Not Working to Potential

I've moved house

2006-08-06T17:48:00.000+08:00

Onto Blog # 3 in the space of just one year.

One, I think this blog is obviously a little bit stale these days. I wanted to get past it by being a little more revealing, but there's a friend of a friend who now works at my workplace. I know the friend reads the blog. I was a bit worried that somehow, my entire workplace could be reading the blog and I wouldn't know it.

Although I don't talk about work too often, one little slip up could be a bit of a catastrophe, career wise. If you could call it that.

Anyway, point is, I'm going elsewhere for my blogging fix. I will be feeling a little more footloose and fancy-free (sorry, no p0rn still!). If you'd like to follow me, feel free to email me at the address to the right, and if you let me know a little more about yourself (just so I can suss out, sort of, whether you're not a work dude or dudette).

Either that, or I'm sure you're all ace Google'ers these days and could probably find me without emailing me.

It's been fun, but I suppose I'm beginning to feel a little more like I'm living up to my potential a little more, and the name just doesn't really fit so well. Perhaps we'll meet again in the not so distant future!

One Piggy Piggy

2006-07-30T20:35:00.000+08:00

Last weekend, we headed down south for a couple of nights. As per our usual habits on these southernly jaunts, we headed off to the Margaret River Chocolate Factory to grab some buttons. Best. Chocolate. Evaaarrrrr. We bought one 500gm bag of milk chocolate buttons for us, and one bag for my mum and sister to share.

I have finished my bag, and spent all day today wondering whether to eat the other bag.

I have now opened them. There is no going back! The only way I could possibly give them to them now is if I just said I was making sure they weren't poisonous. Or something. Should probably just keep them, otherwise it'd be y'know, rude.

Oink.

The frantic pace

2006-07-16T08:32:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a very eventful day... it's hopefully going to change the course of our lives a little bit, so I thought it worth mentioning (not in a 'today-I-fed-the-dog-and-he-ate-it-all' kind of way).

We decided to put an offer in on a new block of land. We only moved into this place four months ago, but we want to upgrade. We found the perfect block - I saw them a few months ago, but they were all sold out. Luckily, someone has decided to sell theirs on, and I spotted it quickly after it was listed. We raced up to the real estate agent (someone up north - miles away!!) who was listing it yesterday morning to get in first and put our offer in. Now the waiting game - we're hoping it just gets accepted and everything will be ace.

Tallboy and I keep looking at each other and wondering if we're mad - the last building process was anything but fun, but we've learnt from our mistakes, we're just so much more calm, collected and savvy this time. We know what we're talking about when we go around browsing the display homes, we know the right questions to ask.

The block is so lovely, it overlooks a beautiful park at the front, and looks out over houses to bushland at the back. It's sat at a high point on the hill, and we wouldn't have back neighbours - there is a maybe 20-25ft drop at the back of the block (maintained by a retaining wall), below which is a road, which will have houses on it. But our back fence would be not really a fence at all - it's sort of like the fence people put around their pool - secure, but it doesn't interrupt your view of whatever's behind it! Although I really really want this to work out, this time around I just feel more relaxed - because we already have our own place, I'm all nonchalant - sort of like, if we don't get this one, another one will come around soon!

It does mean we'll be building again whilst the wedding is being organised, but I'm happy to manage that this time around - now I don't have study on my plate too, I think I can do it.

Here's to doing it all again.... (!)

I think I'm annoying

2006-07-10T21:38:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I'm more aware of myself than other days.

Today was one of those days, and I just couldn't stop fucking talking. From the minute I walked into work, I babbled a whoooole pile of shit - and I haven't stopped until I walked in the door about 20minutes ago from dinner with previous workmates.

As I'm babbling away about practically nothing, I really felt like I was having a series of 'me, me, me' moments - you know the ones - and I hate it when people do this to me too - when someone tells a story or asks for advise and you find it impossible to respond without giving your version of a slightly similar, but different story of a friend of a friend or uncle's cousin to whom the ALMOST EXACT SAME THING HAPPENED TO.

But like, better? And totally more dramatic.

So yeah, today I am annoying. But at least I come with self-awareness? Thank god for small graces...

Poptarts

2006-07-09T17:16:00.000+08:00

Does anyone know if you can still buy PopTarts in Australian supermarkets?

I'm really hanging out for the apple ones, and have been for weeks. I can't seem to find any at my local supermarket. It's really annoying me! I love that warm apple gooeyness and the pastry corners were always so crispy and delicious.

Yes, Sir!

2006-07-09T14:47:00.000+08:00

I got told off by my Dad today for the first time in forever - doesn't he know I'm the good child, the one who doesn't get in trouble?

I was talking to him about the experiences my sister & I had yesterday while trying to find a bridesmaid dress for her at my wedding. I made the comment that I had something in mind, but we just hadn't been able to find it yet - and that I'd probably end up going to the dressmakers with a picture I'd seen and asking them to reproduce it in my preferred colour.

He then tells me that my Great-Aunt in South Africa (who I have never met mind you) is a awesome dressmaker! She once made dresses out of bedsheets for his cousins! How fantastic! To which I replied by singing "Theeee hills are aliveeee, with the sound of music (laaaa lalala)". I tell him that although it sounds like a fabbo money-saving exercise, I'm looking at generally taking the least stressful route, and to my mind, sending fabric and a photo over to South Africa to what is, essentially, a stranger, with a piece of paper with some measurements on it and realistically expect for it to be what I really wanted - this is probably one of the most stressful ways to go about it. After I told him this, he went a little bit into 'tell-off' mode.

Telling me that everytime we talk about the wedding I mention the word 'stress' and I'm being negative and I should have positive thoughts and I'm talking myself into the stress, but it's not even stressful because we're 8 1/2 months away and I've already secured all the 'big stuff' and bla bla bla. I don't think that I AM acting like that - all I say about things is "I'm picking this option because it is the least stressful" or "I'm ruling out this option because it will be too stressful". I suppose this may be making the assumption that I will be stressed at the time - but I just see it as preventative measures. Enough of the right decisions made based on their stress factor will mean I will never be the Bridezilla he thinks I will become. Or that he thinks I am telling myself to come.

I finished up that part of the conversation with a very mature 'Um, yeah, well anyway you know this thing...". I felt just weird because I could practically see him wagging his finger down the phone at me.

The same kind of nutty

2006-07-09T11:25:00.000+08:00

I find it reassuring when I come across a new person in my life who is "the saaame kind of nutty" as me. I get told at times that I'm a little bit odd - when I tell stories, I get a bit animated - sometimes I have a weird out of body experience when it's like I'm looking at myself and going ... WTF? Probably because I'm hopping around or humping the air or trying to imitate some ugly face.

Luckily, at work I've met one other person who has a strong a sense of the ridiculous as I do. Others just find it funny, but this girl is in on the act. She enjoys being a little left of centre as much as I do. She's not afraid to be a dorkus!

A champion among champions - and it makes me feel a little more normal.

Further to my Big Brother post...

2006-07-08T22:52:00.000+08:00

I have now seen the full-length video and do not think the boys were in the wrong. Nor do I think Camilla was in the wrong either.

To me it looked decisively like three consenting adults who were mucking around in bed. I know Camilla looked like she was being held down in the pictures, and she was struggling a little as well in the video but she was also laughing her arse off - sort of like when you are being tickled and you're trying to get away but it's still funny and a game.

It's a damn shame that the boys will be condemned for this for life - and I'll bet Camilla will feel the same way when she leaves the house and sees what a big freaking deal the media and government have made out of this. These guys now feel the need for bodyguards - whoever thought that their 15 minutes of fame would lead to this thanks to the sensationalising rating-grabbing tactics of the Channel 10 bosses. I'm all for people taking responsibilities for their actions, but if these guys decide to sue for defamation, I'd be behind them, because I don't believe the punishment fits the crime.

Big Brother Lover Gone Sour

2006-07-02T20:12:00.000+08:00

I'm a little bit weirded out today by recent events on the Australian Big Brother. I've been a long-time obsessive fan, and I don't think I've ever been shocked by something on television so much. I'm finding a little hard to process because it is just such a strange thing to happen

I know that they talk about the Big Brother experience bringing on accelerated friendships and closeness - but can I just say that no male friend I've ever known has thought it appropriate to pin me down and slap me in the face with his dick - not even TallBoy, and he might be the only one who may have permission to do so! How bloody degrading. I've lived in the same town for the past 15 years and have been to school with and had the same group of guy friends for almost as long - and never have I heard of them doing anything like this to any of us girls, nor even joke about it!

Weird thing is... Ashley (or Michael, as he is known in these parts) is from my same town, the same school. I know his sister, we were in many classes together at school and still occasionally frequent the same parties and get-togethers. I am feeling for her right now, really feeling for her. This must have rocked their family, I just cannot imagine what they must be going through right now. She is totally straight-laced (me too!) and I imagine that this will probably have horrified her. Yet, I imagine she is also feeling like she should support her brother.

But most of all, I'm feeling for Camilla. Something that shouldn't have happened at all, has happened. And she can't even deal with it privately. It's happening to her in the most public of public forums, and she is torn between being completely offended and disgusted with the behaviour, and still not wanting to damage her (so-called) friends' reputations.

On one hand, I want them hauled over the coals because their actions were dispicable. On the other, without being melodramatic, this one silly decision could affect the rest of their lives! How can any employer, potential girlfriend, friend even look them in eye and think they're good guys, when they think it's okay to act this way towards a woman? It seems like a pretty heavy price to pay for 15 minutes of fame.

Why I Wear Glasses

2006-06-20T20:50:00.000+08:00

Today TallBoy and I were driving down the road, and two people were walking along the roadside. I said to him:

"What the fuck?!! Why are those two people wearing balaklavas?!"

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew I'd fucked up...

"Umm, hun? They're black."

Note to self: Always wear visual aids. They help you to see people's facial features. Thus saving you from dumb blonde moments.

Pals

2006-06-03T09:19:00.000+08:00

This past weekend TallBoy and I headed off to the engagement party I mentioned in my last post. All went well, TallBoy was actually sociable (for once), and we all had a jolly old time. A friend of ours surprised everyone by arriving unannounced from interstate... she's doing shit like that all the time! I got a call from her on Thursday, and was a little suspicious because I hadn't heard from her in ... about a year maybe? But I carried on and didn't mention it. I must admit, the human brain is a weird thing, for a minute, I saw her but it didn't twig that she wasn't supposed to be there. We spent so much time together as teenagers, that she's just so familiar to me. I was all like... Oh, there's Rachel. WAIT A MINUTE... She's not supposed to be here! Much hyperactivity ensues. I'd only had one cocktail at this point, so it wasn't the drink making me dopey.

Because of her arrival in town, I ended up spending alot more time with my girlfriends this weekend. I am pretty bad when it comes to keeping in touch with people - atrocious in fact. Family or friends, I can go for weeks without picking up the phone sometimes! Dad sometimes texts me "Still alive?". I just get caught up in my own life and lose track of time, not realising that it's been months since I spoke to some people. But when I spend time with them, I realise how much fun it is, how much I enjoy these people. I think I also do the wrong thing by getting too wrapped up in TallBoy. He never tells me not to see people - in fact, quite the opposite, he encourages me to pick up the phone, he's more aware of my bad habit than I am. But after 5 1/2 years we still really enjoy each other's company - we should be sick of the sight of each other by now... I find it fantastic and I'm so happy that we're not, but I'm aware that it probably affects my relationships with my friends.

I love having a history with these people. I feel a bit sorry for Rachel, who moved to Canberra with her parents a few years back. She really feels it, she can't stop smiling when she's here and I think she misses having that history with her friends over there. I should appreciate what I have and take advantage of it more, the fact that my friends are moments away, not an expensive plane trip.

Lesson Learnt!

Yo Yo Yo!

2006-05-24T20:47:00.000+08:00

Life is good!

Things are happening all over the place. The house is all good I'm spending up big but constantly thinking of more things to buy, the wedding plans are coming along (25 March 2007. I love it because 2+5 = 7. 7-3 (as in March, 3rd month of the year) equals 4. I love four. It wasn't deliberate, but it's so neat and tidy!). I have found the most perfect venue known to man, and within my budget too (seriously, I would've paid oodles more for the place we got, but bargain price it is!).
I had an interesting proposal from ms. was for her to photograph my wedding. God, I love her photography, she has this way of making natural seem special. Things aren't over-posed. It's like she's invisible while she's shooting or something. Trouble is, she lives in America... the interesting idea she had was that we play for her flight, find her somewhere to stay and she does the actual job for free. Pretty comparable price-wise (can you fucking believe it) but stress-wise? I couldn't do it. I think I'll have to make-do with just buying prints of her other photos (cos they are too awesome to miss). TallBoy's reaction: "For fucks Michelle - can't you just do something normal? You want to fly someone in from another country just to photograph our wedding?! Insanity."
Today, a girl at work and I discovered this crazy crazy coincidence. It's very long winded so I won't go into it here and you kinda have to know the people involved to get it, but all day, we just kept saying "Oh my fucking God - that's some freaky shit". It ended up that she'd pashed a guy while she was on holiday in Bali that my sister had pashed in the past and whose brother I'd pashed in high school - despite us living a good 40 minutes in opposite directions from work and having never met before and not moving in the same circles whatsoever. The way we worked it out was just a freaky fricken coincidence in itself - that's the long-winded bit. I love those crazy coinky dinks - like when a friend of mine at school decided to wag school one day and instead go shopping in the capital city about 45 minutes drive away. She was in a major department store, heading into the toilets, and her Mum walked out of the toilets at the same moment. Sprung. But what are the chances?! Anyone else got some cool tales?
Last week we built a wall. I helped. Actual helping, not just standing back and pointing out imperfections and telling TallBoy he's 'missed a bit', which is my usual style. I made sure the cement didn't set around the edges of the wheelbarrow by constantly stirring, and also by providing TallBoy with bricks from the pile we got delivered, as required. Smooth!
We're going to a friend's engagement party this weekend which makes me feel rather slack because we've been engaged a year now and still haven't had one. We're planning on a combined House Warming/Engagement Party soon - will have to get on with it, or the house will be warmed already!

Aww I've missed this dribbling shit. I need to catch up my on regular reads!

As promised...

2006-04-29T12:47:00.000+08:00

Pictures of the new digs:

When we just moved in, the place was still a bit of a sandpit...

But today... the minions arrived yet again, and this time, they built me a garden! Everybody together now... Ooooohhh, aahhhhh...

I haven't taken any of the inside yet... I want to wait until I've found the furniture I want first! The back garden still IS a sandpit - but some planning needs to be done on our part there. I would hate to just start without thinking it through, and then later end up digging up the whole place to start again when have a brilliant idea of what we actually want!

Bubbles

2006-04-20T20:22:00.000+08:00

Yesterday when I was driving home from work, I saw a cute little car - a mini - with the number plate 'Ms Bean'. Twas so cute, I just had to see what the person who was driving looked like. I was a little surprised to see Ms Bean crying. Firstly, how can a lady with a car so cute possibly have anything shithouse in her life? But also, it got me thinking about how together, yet separate the whole human race is.

We all hoon down the freeways and roads like one huge mass, but each of us are living our separate lives in our little bubbles. Whether the bubble is our car, our home, or maybe our iPod or mobile phone, from far away we seem to be all together. But each individual has their little bubble. Sometimes, when cars pass me on the road, I look in to see who's driving. How are their expressions? What are they thinking about? Imagining all the dramas they're facing. Maybe the guy in the brand new VW Beetle is worrying how to tell his parents that he's gay. Maybe the 'P' plater in that red Mitsubishi Colt is worried about her younger sister who is in high school and just fallen pregnant. The guy picking his nose at the BP Garage - does he think he's invisible, or is so confident (arrogant?) that he doesn't give a toss who sees him picking a winner? That couple sitting in the Audi - are they happy, or do they stay together just because it seems like a mutually beneficial financial arrangement? When I see people showing obvious emotion like Ms Bean, it makes me even more curious. Maybe she's devastated because she's just been dumped. Or maybe she's just been listening to Celine Dion on the radio and her ears are bleeding - she's crying because she's in ecruciating pain.

With all this daydreaming about other peoples' lives, it's a wonder I haven't written off more cars than I have (last count, one only. Not too bad for 5+years of driving, eh?)

Social Weirdo

2006-04-17T08:18:00.000+08:00

Does anyone else get a weird feeling in the pit of their stomach, just before they enter a social situation?

On Saturday, I invited some old workmates around to the house to have a look at the place, after all, they're the ones who had to put up with most of my whingy whiney updates for the past 18 months while it was being built. I wanted them to come around. I spend Friday deciding what I was going to feed them, then shopping for food, and cleaning and washing the place. Saturday morning before their arrival was more cleaning and baking. I was in a frenzy. Looking forward to it. Then, everything was done about 10 minutes before they were due to arrive... I sat down on the couch to listen out for them. And I got this awful sinking, sad feeling in my stomach. I had a crazy urge to call them all that minute and cancel. Tell them not to bother. I have a hideous disease, it's very contagious, you'd better stay at home.

Why is this? When they all arrived, it was fine. We all talked easily, people liked the house, they liked the food, it was good. It was fantastic to catch up with them. I knew it would be like that, but beforehand something in my head was screaming for me to run. Does anyone else feel like this? Tell me I'm normal!

Abnormal Shopper

2006-04-08T20:12:00.000+08:00

Girls, I think I'm a traitor to the female stereotype.

I hate clothes shopping with friends. I shop alone, or I shop with TallBoy. I think I take perverse pleasure in making him follow me around the shops like a lost puppy. Because he really does give me the shits when we shop together, why I would want him to come is a mystery, so my joy at misery-making is the only explanation.

I was on a bit of a shopping frenzy alone this afternoon, I picked up about 6 or 7 tops, some good jeans, was looking for shoes but couldn't find any I liked. Why is it whenever I see shoes I love, they're already on somebody's feet? Doh. I'm not very good at seeing the potential of the shoe whilst it is sat on the rack, footless.

I'm a speedy shopper too. Not of this meandering... I will huff loudly in your left ear as I whizz past you if you want to dawdle. People, walking four-wide in a mall situation is just ignorance. If the place was burning down, you'd be responsible for the deaths of like... hundreds of people. I can see them now, pausing to look gormlessly at the window of Michael Hill jewellers, while people burn trying to get past their chubby arses.

The shops are so frigging busy, I just want to get outta there. I think that's why I shop alone... then I only need to look at my stuff, noone elses.

Hey, I never said I wasn't self-centred.

Also, awesomeness

2006-04-07T20:53:00.000+08:00

I got this IPL (Intense Pulsed Light) stuff done on my underarms, because I was sick of waxing and feeling like my arms had to be glued next to my sides if I wanted to wear a singlet when it was getting close to the time when I needed to go to the salon. Not that I'm a total gorilla or anything, but you feel a little self-conscious about these things, particularly in summer.

Holy shit, it hurt like hell. I would say it's the most painful thing I have ever experienced up until this point in my life (I'm well aware there's childbirth to look forward in that department), but it literally did feel like someone flicking me with a hot rubber band. By the end of the 5-10minute session, I was dripping with sweat. Nice look. I must've looked like I'd just finished a 10 km jog.

I was pretty pissed off the first week or so too, because it just didn't look like it was working. Then, all of a sudden, the hairs all shat themselves and fell out. I have about 4-5 very fine hairs left on each side now. I have a second session booked for the 22nd, and I think I'm going to have to move it back, because it doesn't look like there's much else coming through at the moment. I bought a package of 8 sessions, so if one session has done such an awesome job, I don't think I'll need maybe half of those for this area.

So, that leads to the decision, where else would I like to be bald? I had been considering a brazillian, or at least an extreme bikini shaping, but I think it'd be too cruel to make my vag suffer that way. Remember, that is the body part that will one day have to squeeze that watermelow out of a lemon. Let's share some of that pain around...

iPod, It's a love.hate relationship

2006-04-07T19:45:00.000+08:00

Also, cracking the shits with my nano at the moment. I only got it at Christmas, already it's demanding a software upgrade. The way it informs you of the need for this is a little disconcerting - simply a graphic of a suspect-looking folder, under which is written a web address with the word 'Support' in it. Major panics, mainly because I think it's absolutely rooted, and I don't think I'll be able to find the receipt, assuming TallBoy has kept it all, so how the hell am I supposed to send it back to Apple and demand a new one?!

I go to the site, then it tells me to download the iPod updater. Simple, says I! TWO HOURS LATER... (Hello, dial-up), it's downloaded. It's taken me another three days for the computer to actually work out how to use the friggen software. I plug in. You update. Simple? Apparently not.

I am praying to the computer-gods that it won't ask me to update my iTunes in line with the iPod updater, because I think I could just as easily tell it to jam itself up it's own arse and stick it in the cupboard for the rest of eternity.

/end rant

Yowser!

2006-04-07T19:38:00.000+08:00

During my working day, many a CV crosses my desk. I've seen some shockers. I've seen them in spidery handwriting, in crazy fonts. I've seen one-line cover pages. I've seen typed versions that are photocopied many times, the Company name liquid-papered out, and instead written in by hand. How's that for a personal touch?

People also have what I consider to be an unusual habit of putting their photo on the first page of their CV. May I give a little advise? If the photo's no good... give it a miss. Seriously, if you don't want the prospective employer to be rolling in the aisles, calling out to colleagues to "Check out this Boofhead!", give the photo a miss. One came across the other day, and the guy looked not unlike this charmer:

Beautiful people, this may not apply to you... but still, what bearing does a photo have on your chances of getting the job? I can't see it making any difference myself... and I personally wouldn't want to risk becoming the laughing stock of random offices.

Loving the new job by the way, still crazy-busy as always (more so!), here's me thinking that it'd get better as I got used to the position, instead more work keeps surfacing from all sorts of places I never would've imagined. Fun times ahead, as auditing season approaches. The rest of the year, we're able to pretend our record-keeping skills are hunky dorey, ohhhh yes siree. Budget time, and there are many 'Oh, Fuck' moments on the horizon. Hurrah!

Pics to follow of the house, once I can find the fucking docking station. Watch this space!

You just can't find good help these days...

2006-04-02T15:37:00.000+08:00

TallBoy is one of those guys who needs a shed. He likes to potter around in his own space, doing blokey stuff. Building shit. His last car was some sort of Monster Truck, almost entirely modified by TallBoy himself. He likes doing it. He has some sort of talent. A talent for making a perfectly normal looking car, look... well, bunky. Like a dodgy piece of work. A vehicle that any policeman would eye with suspicion. I probably exaggerate - what he builds, blokes love. They're strong and sturdy, perfect for off-road use. But he's since got a newer car, and I don't know if I can let him do that to this one!

Right now, he's out the the garage 'knocking up' a new bar for the front of his new car. A car with sleek, curvy lines. A car that will not suit any homemade equipment. He's good, but he ain't that good. It's also too expensive a car to be worrying about whether or not the police are going to pull us over and issue the car with a work order, which has been done in the past as a result of TallBoy's homemade creations.

It's so cute how he loves to get out in the garage with his grinder, saws, welders and build shit. It's so blokey. It's one of the things I love about him - there's nothing even remotely metrosexual about him. I just wish we didn't feel so obliged to use the stuff he creates!

During these frenzied sessions of 'creation', he'll often ending up breaking a few items he's using during the process. For example, today he was grinding on a bench he'd set up over some paving in the garage. Now we have a large burn mark on the pavers, from the heat of the grinder. Sweet! My teeth are now aching from grinding them to stop me from turning into Crazy HouseProud Lady.

Luckily, he's not interested in building furniture... I couldn't bear the thought of 'TallBoy's HomeMade Creations' being sat in the living room too!

Got a bit excited today...

2006-03-29T18:53:00.000+08:00

I got a letter today, from my former Superannuation fund from my old work.

I thought it said I could cash out my superannuation. It was like an awesome exciting moment where I thought, HOLY FUCK I can finish the house off... like, tomorrow!

Then I read it properly, and it turned out, I have to be an old fart to do it.

Fuckers.

That's right... I blog, don't I?

2006-03-26T08:00:00.001+08:00

I know I've been terrible at updating lately, only an average of one post per week during the month of March. Hopefully things should improve though, we now have only one house to think about (i.e. not our place, plus a rental), all the pressing house issues have been dealt with, so I feel like I can breath again. I've had the mail redirected and started going through my filing system to just change every address in there... it's a pet hate of mine when people move and don't bother to change their address with various businesses. I will not become one of those people!

We've got a couple of comical situations going on at the house at the moment, one in particular is that we do not yet have a fence on one side of the house. The fencing package comes included with the block of land we bought, but it seems there's high demand at the moment and it's taking them a while to come and install it. We have neighbours on our right side and our back fence, so we're good to go there - the neighbours organised it and got it installed months ago. But the left side of the house has no fence. Both bathrooms are... you guessed it, on the left hand side of the house. To get into the shower (with its privacy screen and shower curtain, I undress in the bedroom, and practically crawl to the shower, below window height. We have that privacy glass, but when it's dark outside, and light inside, I'm pretty sure that stuff isn't as effective as you might have hoped. Plus, we're on a corner block, so cars drive right past that side of the house. You wouldn't have thought we'd have too many people heading past at 5:30am, when I'm getting ready for work, but GodDamn those builders are early birds!

We're also unable to hang out our washing at the moment, because I'm afraid my undies will get stolen. New neighbourhood, you just never know... there could be a knicker-sniffer next door! Mind you, they'd be a little disappointed if they'd just come out of the wash, not much fun sniffing those...

This is also the first weekend TallBoy and I have spent together for a while - his shift pattern means he has two weekends on, and two off. So this is the first of his 'two off' weekends. With me now working full-time, it really does seem like forever since we've spooned in the morning. This weekend has been bliss, I can't believe I get to do it all again next weekend!

I'm still catching up with my reading of blogs, I guess I've been a bit naughty when it comes to writing. Will try harder!

Why, God, Whyyyy?!

2006-03-11T20:19:00.000+08:00

Today my mind was meandering through the depths it calls home, and I remembered a post that girl.blog.etc wrote, back when she was an Office Wench, which involved some hot sex dream with Ray Romano. Hotness! Which in turn reminded me of a filthy dream I had when I was about 14 or 15, involving an equally, or possibly more-so, un-sexy speciman of the not-so-fairer sex. This man:

Also known as Martin Clunes, and at the time I knew him only from Men Behaving Badly fame. So I can't even use the excuse that his character was a nice guy, a cheeky guy, or a bad guy either, because his role in the show was to basically be a slovenly, rude commitment-phobe who treated his girlfriend like shit. There was no loveable rogue element there, not in the slightest. Those ears, those lips. They just scream "PUFFY!".

The dream was rather raunchy, especially considering that, at that time, I was an innocent virginal teen. Where my mind got the idea for such a dream is a bit of a mystery - it involved a rather graphic blow-job. I could never watch Men Behaving Badly again without blushing. This ruled out watching it entirely, because it was a show I'd always watch with Dad, so he'd probably be wondering why I turned red as a beetroot every time ol' fish-face up there came into shot ('scuse the pun...).

Just for the record - in the dream, he was hung like a horse. Can't vouch for real life though...

Who's your embarrassing sex-dream weirdo?

Holy Shit, Batman!

2006-03-10T20:26:00.000+08:00

Have I ever felt quite so panic-ridden in all my life?!

We've done the final inspection on the house, approved the final payment by the bank to the builder, and should get the keys by Wednesday. We need to be out of our current rental in two weeks. Somehow, in that time, we've got to paint the entire house (twice! First the oil-based sealer for the plaster, then 48hours later, the colour coat), pack, move, clean the old place, change addresses, connect gas, phone, internet, water, electricity... all while both of us hold down full time jobs and try to make sure we just have enough money in the right account at the right time to pay all the bills and the mortgage! Last time we moved house was from our parents' places to this rental. We had about 4 items between us, and we didn't have to 'wrap things up' I guess at the old place, there was no phone disconnection, no cleaning, no nothing. Seems heavenly. Plus, I worked part-time then. Lady of leisure!

Work is crazy busy, today I had 10 contracts to draw up, where I normally have 2 or 3, plus four pay increase letters. It's not the contracts, but chasing the bosses to sign the damn things. Meeting, after meeting, after meeting... and me hovering near their Personal Assistant calling in favours to rush things through, when I haven't even been there a full month yet. Soon people will start cringing when I walk in the room soon. Still working out all the General Manager's individual personalities and quirks... thing is, I never know when I'm going to catch a good day or a bad day. I'm so gunning for a pay rise at the middle of the year!

Boxes Packed: 5
Still to Go: Almost Everything. McFuck!

A True Example

2006-03-05T08:09:00.000+08:00

Yesterday we were out driving, and we saw the truest example I've ever seen of the reason why people are banned from talking on mobile phones while they're driving. We nearly got written off!

We're driving down a little beachfront road near our house, minding our own business, and all of a sudden TallBoy looks up and goes "oh Fuck!", I look up and there's a guy in a work-style ute driving towards us, drifting onto our side of the road. We're set for a head-on, TallBoy manages to swerve, launching us onto someone's front lawn in the process, and the guy just misses us.

The fucking doodle was on his mobile phone! We're practically driving through people's lounge room windows to avoid him, and do you know what the fuckhead did?

Waved.

But carried on chatting. I tell you what, someone better have been uttering their final words before passing away on the other end of that phone - I hope it was friggen worth it! When shit like that happens, I almost wish we'd crashed, just to drag his arse through the courts and teach him a lesson. Or at least he would've had to have stopped so I could've given him a bollocking. I'm an angry, angry little lady.

What makes it worse? It all happened so fast, we didn't have time to TOOT the horn at him. Perfecting tooting opportunity, missed. It's a shame...

So Unlucky

2006-03-01T20:06:00.000+08:00

My little sister is so unlucky. I feel like I am really lucky, and she just has a completely shit time of it, much of the time. I mean her life doesn't totally suck or anything, she has her own little car all paid off, she gets by, but life seems to be a heap easier for me than it is for her. It always feels like it's been that way too!

At school, my little sister didn't enjoy school as much as I did. She's the sporty sister (although by no means stupid by any stretch of the imagination), and I'm the one who did well at school. In the final couple of years at school, we both decided to do the TEE, which was the university entrance exams. I did the bare minimum, always did everything last minute, and still gained a place at University. My sister had to fight to be able to even study the University pathway in the first place, but when she did she was so dedicated. She was studying every night for two whole years, was incredibly organised and handed in every piece of work. She also gained a place at University - but our scores were virtually identical. Is it possible to feel smug and sorry at the same time? I'm fairly sure I did.

Her teeth were not quite bad enough to require braces - mine were. 15 months of misery, and I now have perfectly straight teeth. My sister has a Madonna-style gap between her teeth. Some would say they'd be happy to go without the braces... but she really wanted them, she wanted straight teeth too!

Both of us had a year off after finishing high school, where we decided to work full-time. I was successful in the first job I applied for, she had to send of many applications before getting an interview. Once she had her interview though, she impressed them and got the job. Why is that? We had the same scores at highschool (hers were actually better, she was a victim of 'scaling down' when it came to the University Entrance scores, which made our final marks equal). Yet, she found it harder to find a job than I did. We had the same job experience, as we had worked at the same fast food place during our high school days. Just unlucky? Maybe people prefer certain names over others, like how people don't want to name their child a particular name, because they knew a bitch called the same name once, perhaps there is a similar emotional reaction when one is sorting through potential candidates for a job?

She's been terribly unlucky in love. I've had one God-awful boyfriend, a few lesser-duds who were just not quite right, and then found someone quite perfect for me. She's just had God-Awful after Awful after Evil. Luck seems to be changing though, she's finally found herself a nice bloke. I just want someone who's not going to be a total cocksucker and cheat on her or simply stop calling one day. I'm not saying she has to marry the guy, just have a relationship that continues on for awhile, and if it ends, I hope it ends amicably. Then, hopefully, she'll realise she's worth it!

Life from a Cubicle

2006-02-28T20:31:00.000+08:00

Life from a cubicle certainly is hectic!

I haven't worked full-time since I was 18 years old, and back then I still lived at home... how the fuck are people supposed to run a house when they're working fulltime?! I'm keeping my head above water at the moment, but I'm certain I must be forgetting something... I need to buy a diary! Meanwhile, the house looks like an absolute brothel, we're stuggling to just manage to cook a proper meal each night.

Going into my third week at the new job, we're finally managing something resembling organisation, and it's actually done alot for my happiness levels in the relationship. I was very happy before, but my one complaint would've been TallBoy's lack of interest in the housework and cooking. But since I started the new job, he's instantly started contributing! I didn't even have to beg, nag, or cry. Perhaps he felt more bitter about my part-time status than he was letting on before, but literally the minute I got offered the position, TallBoy began cooking. I came home from the final interview, and dinner was on the table. Now, we're so much closer to 50/50 share of housework, I am absolutely ecstatic! Now it seems the relationship is as close to perfect as it could ever hope to get.

Meanwhile, I've been continuing on my crusade to micro-manage our lives, but it's much harder without having time off during office hours! I'm the kind of person that changes her address with EV-ERY-ONE when she moves, who loves to know exactly what is going on, who will ask 100 more questions than probably neccessary. I like a big picture view, rather than just the information that's simply the bare minimum. We're supposed to be doing the final inspection for the house tomorrow, after which we can get the keys in 10 working days. I don't think it'll go as well as the building supervisor is hoping, There's a few major things still not how we want them, and without them done, we're not signing. We've waited 18months, I think we can wait a couple more weeks and get it perfect. All resolve may go out the window tomorrow though, when we get inside our home and realise we are just SO desperate to move in... we'll see if we can maintain balls of steeeeel. Or will they become mush?

Well, la-de-daaaa

2006-02-17T20:10:00.000+08:00

Okay, new job is going well. Still getting used to the whole 'Corporate World' thing though. My old place was rather casual, this place is pretty good, but I have daily dealings with General Managers from about 6 different departments. And I don't know how they like their plebish interactions served. Bored, with a little huff? Chatty, with a little grin? Cute and quiet, with a little coy?

At my old work, most conversations with my superiors either began with an "oyyyyy youuuu", a "Heeeey", (both with a whiney sort of a tone) or, my personal favourite, "Hey, Bazza?" Somehow that shit ain't going to go down at this new place. I really dislike not knowing how people like their banter. Or whether they like banter at all!

Other than that, the job is pretty damn awesome. I'm flat out every single day, and I can't see it letting up anytime soon. Even if it did, I've got a stack of filing about a foot high that the girl I'm replacing left for me (with a mumbled apology), so I'm sort of hanging out for a quiet moment where I can shut myself away with the filing cabinets and just file away like crazy. At the moment, having it sat in my drawer is like sitting with a steaming turd in my desk drawer. It's hanging over me, man! The days go so fast, there's plenty of variety, and I can learn as little or as much as I want. Hurrah!

The house is moving along pretty nicely too, the building company is estimating a final inspection date of February 28th, the supervisor will give us a call a couple of days before it's finished to organise a time. Then it'll be about 10 working days before we get the keys... which means we should be in our own place by the middle of March! So excited. TallBoy and I just feel so excited about where our lives are going at the moment. Bliss...

I liked it, so I stole it

2006-02-11T20:53:00.000+08:00

Auburn posted this linkthat leads to a website that builds a little word box. It helps to tell you something about the content of my blog, and I loved it! So I thought I'd better steal it.

When you look at the most common words, it's actually a bit surprising - I'm more positive then I ever expected. Words such as 'complete', 'together', 'content', 'friend' and 'family'. My offline friends will tell you I'm the whinger of the bunch - it's even been my New Year's Resolution a couple of times to try and see the bright side of life. I prefer to think I'm a pessimist, and therefore anything better than the worst case scenario is a bonus, but the more I think about it, the more I decide that I simply think aloud. Whereas most people sort through their negativity before letting it slip past their lips, I like to hash out decisions and thoughts by talking about them. Unfortunately, that means that my friends have to listen to alllll the negative thoughts before I eventually come to a usually positive conclusion. I'm getting much much better at looking on the bright side of life, but I still have my off days!

I'm an evil heartless wench

2006-02-11T17:24:00.000+08:00

Last day at work yesterday. It went okay, I was blubbering like a tool at my last whole staff meeting, doing the whole 'ugly cry' in front of 100 staff while another staff member did a farewell speech. Nice work... but I managed to hold it together for the rest of the day, which was good.

I had actually convinced myself beforehand that I wasn't going to cry. I just didn't think I liked the place enough! Plus, I hardly ever cry at goodbyes. Whenever we go to the airport to send family members back to England, I never shed a tear. I used to cry when I was a kid, but since I was a teenager, I just don't get that worked up about it. Even when I left the UK to come home after visiting all my relatives, I was all quick hug, let's go, see ya again a couple of years! I sent my 70-year-old Nana off at the airport last summer, sent her back to a dark and miserable winter and a life she hates without even a sniffle. What kind of bitch am I!? But saying goodbye yesterday, to people who basically live around the fricken corner, it wasn't just shedding a tear, it was a snotty snorty sobbing sort of a goodbye. Can we say loser?

Not a thing

2006-02-09T12:19:00.000+08:00

I went for lunch the other day with my mum and my sister... it was my mum's birthday. I discovered I have nothing, nothing at all, in common with them. It is a really bizarre feeling to be sat across the table from two of your family members and feeling as though they are strangers, and just so different from the person I am.

I can't work out if it's because I've become an old fuddy duddy, and they've stayed the same, or whether they've changed and I'm just feeling bewildered because I'm wondering where my old family went. But I think their lives are crap. Then again, they probably can't imagine anything more boring than the life I'm leading with TallBoy. I'm aware that my life isn't everyone's idea of perfection, or fun, but I really love it. They are still so... shallow maybe? I don't think that's the right word, I can't really put my finger on it. Maybe it's the feeling I get that they don't respect themselves for who they are. They smoke, they seem to feel like cosmetic procedures are neccessary to make them feel good about themselves, they let men walk all over them. They fret over their weight, and what they eat. Maybe I am more put off by the fact that this behaviour comes from my 43-year-old Mum. At least my sister is acting age-appropriately. Kinda.

Ugh, I'm coming over completely arrogantly, like I think I'm superior or something. I think I just feel sad that only a few years ago we had what seemed like the perfect happy family... and now it appears to be in ruins. Then again, who am I to dictate what is right and what is wrong?

Backhanded Compliments

2006-02-06T20:01:00.000+08:00

Don't you love those compliments that aren't really compliments?

Today a lady at work said... "So, not long now until you start your new job, are you excited?"

Me, smiling: "Yeah, I'm excited. Sad to leave, but you know, excited about things that are coming up. Bit nervous about being the new girl again though!"

Her: "Yeaah... that's nice. Good on you. Yeah, I've got to admit, I thought you'd make a lovely teacher, I was a bit disappointed when you said you'd decided to give that away."

But what she meant was: "Gooooood fucking Lord girl, what are you doing you're ruining your life get back to Uni it's the only thing with meaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaning. Besides, I wanted to you to teach my kids one day, better the devil you know and all that. Good luck in your dead end job, yup yup!"

Ahem.

It's Double D Day

2006-01-31T18:01:00.000+08:00

Okay, DoubleD may be a slight exaggeration.

Today is my sister's surgery, thus ending our time together in SmallBoobyVille. It's lonely at the perky side of life!

Baby Steps

2006-01-31T10:56:00.000+08:00

So, now I have this new job... you think that'd be the hard part, just getting the job. But the hardest part so far, for me, was yesterday morning. Putting in the resignation. I wrote the letter late Sunday night (procrastination strikes again!) and only had a few butterflies in my tummy. I slept better than I expected. But by Monday morning, I was a mess.

I felt sick to the stomach - I was pretty sure I was going to get an attack my nervous bowel again. I am actually training myself to cope with that a little better - too much information perhaps? But I get that weird churning feeling in my stomach and feel like last night's dinner is going to make a rapid exit from the back passage. But I've started doing deep breathing and talking myself around it in my mind. Now I've recognised that I'm like that sometimes because I'm nervous, I'm heaps heaps better. Before, as soon as I'd get that churney feeling, I'd get more nervous and more panicked because I'd be frantically looking around for the toilets. But if I calm myself down, I avoid it almost all together. I'm such a damn weirdo. I had a high school friend who used to vomit whenever she got nervous, and we used to think that was crazy. But I absolutely sympathise with her now!

As I was heading down the corridor to my Boss's office, my heart was pounding, I felt sick, I felt dizzy. I was so incredibly nervous! When I got there, she wasn't in the office! God! I couldn't just leave the letter there on her desk, that just seemed too immature and unprofessional, I knew I had to face the music properly. God knows why I was so nervous, she was once of my references for the application, so she knew that I was going for the job anyway! So, I went back to my office and sat with my face in my hands for another five minutes, my heart was absolutely racing the whole time, I could feel the blood rushing around in my head. Blerg.

I could never be an adredelin junkie.

Did it!

2006-01-27T20:02:00.000+08:00

I did it!

I got a new job. I need to go in on Monday to my work to resign, then two weeks from then I'll be starting my new job at a large, fast growing dynamic company. It's a bit further to drive to work as it's much closer to the city, but I don't mind because 1. the pay is better, and 2. there's more career opportunities and things there for me. Plus, I get to learn lots of new things! I'm really looking forward to it... plus, that means I get shop for a whole new work wardrobe. Hurrah!

These are going to be both the fastest and slowest two weeks of my life I think!

The New Commandments

2006-01-24T17:51:00.000+08:00

I think anyone entering a supermarket should have to follow the Supermarket Shopping Commandments

1. Thou shalt not bring unruly children to the supermarket.
Because, you know, it makes it pretty hard for everyone else to concentrate on my mental shopping list when your kids are running amok, smashing spaghetti sauce jars and screaming. Oh, and if they shout "Mum!"? Answer them, puhhhlease!
2. Thou shalt not park and ponder.
Please lady, for the loveofGod move your freaking trolley to the side while you examine the nutritional information of every box of cereal on the shelf. I'm slim, but I'm not that slim!
3. Thou shalt not put items thou does no longer want back on the wrong shelf.
Hey, I'm a caring kind of gal. I'm looking out for the shelf-fillers here! Besides, it just looks untidy and offends the organised side of my brain.
4. Thou shalt keep left.
Like on our roads, people! Life would be simple, if people could just keep left!
5. Thou shalt count their items before joining the '12 Items or Less' queue.
Also in this catagory are the individuals who join the queue with a 'hand baskets only' sign... with a trolley! Are those eyes painted on??
6. Thou shalt go gently down curbs on the way to the car.
Everybody wins! Your eggs don't smash, and the trolley wheels don't get ruined. They retain their steerability!
and the seventh, and most important Commandment (in my opinion) is:
7. Thou shall return the trolley to the collection area when thou is finished with it.
That way, your stinking trolley won't get caught by the wind and DENT MY FUCKING CAR. Shits.

I'm still working out the penance for breaking the Supermarket Shopping Commandments, but my current idea is eternity neck-deep in a sea of vomit. With occasional speed-boating and jet-ski competitions.

Team Building

2006-01-23T18:58:00.000+08:00

Gawwwwd how I hate those team building conferences we have to endure every year. Every single year, without fail, we hve to do those days where you all get together and learn something new about each other, about the team.

This year was worse than most though. I work in a private school, with connections to the church. I'm a pretty tolerant kind of gal, I'm not religious myself but I've got no problems hanging around people who are, listening to worship and things. I'm always eager to learn anything about any religion or set of beliefs, so I feel like I'm always getting to know something new in that sense during these days. But this year was a bit confronting as far as personal involvement goes. I think the school wants to really focus on its religious-ed side of education, and as a result, wants the staff to confront their beliefs and spirituality head-on.

It really felt a bit uncomfortable because when I got the job, I made it pretty clear that I was not a religious person, but that I was a tolerant, open-minded person. Up until now, the religious side of the workplace has very much been a 'join in if you want to' sort of philosophy. No pressure. But today, it was like the walls were closing in on me, I felt like I was twitching, frantically assessing where the exits were. It was just getting so personal. I was cringing so hard, it hurt.

I'm more confident now that I am doing the right thing for me as a person in looking for a new job, with new challenges and a different environment. I really do like working there, but I was a bit concerned today that the atmosphere is changing. That the 'other' side of the job will be pushed down my throat a bit. Like the assumption there is that we are all faithful followers. It wasn't in the job description!

Make or Break?

2006-01-22T08:29:00.000+08:00

A girl I know recently got engaged. They're looking at a quick wedding - they're hoping to be married by the end of the year. It's all very exciting, and the family dramas have already started for her - as they usually do when one is organising a wedding.

I'm happy for her, she seems genuinely excited about it all. I guess I have a bit of an issue with it though. Because only weeks before, and for the past few months, she has been having a lot of relationship problems with the man she is now about to marry. She is the type of person who definitely brings her problems to work with her. While she might not always talk about what's going on, you can always tell when something's not right. She becomes moody and abrupt, unable to check her feelings at the door. Sometimes she comes clean, but other times she just withdraws inside herself. But she has alluded to the root of the problem, and to me it's one that may become a huge issue over the years. Her partner works away, and when he's back, he's back for a week or two at a time. Weekdays get kind of boring while she's at work, so he invites his less motivated friends (read: jobless wankers) around to the house during the day. They proceed to drink themselves silly and trash the place. She gets home to a shitfight, and he talks down to her in front of all his mates like a tough guy. It's not an every day occurance, but it happens frequently enough for her to be concerned. She's tried to talk to him about it, but he thinks she's just trying to spoil his fun. Sometime late last year, they nearly broke up. I think it was a combination of issues, but this is one issue that really gets to her. I don't think they ever sorted it out properly, but she still wanted to marry him. She used to talk about how long it was taking, even their parents were applying pressure for him to cough up a ring. Despite the fact that she was upset about his drinking patterns. A minor drinking issue would be ringing alarm bells for me personally, but she wants him. When they announced their engagement, his mother said "it's about time". They've only been together around 3 years. I don't really think that warrants an "about time" comment myself, but that's just my opinion.

Is she in love with him, or in love with the wedding day and the idea of the happily ever after? It felt like a double or nothing moment, a make or break. I wonder if it's the wrong way to go about it though - it smacks of the couple who have a baby to 'save the relationship'. What a wedding day and a baby actually do is serve as a distraction from the relationship. You're so busy organising flowers and reception venues, or changing nappies, that you don't notice that the relationship is crashing down around your ears. Once all that distraction is over with, will you finally be honest with yourself?

In other news...

2006-01-19T21:40:00.000+08:00

My Dad's sold his house. We did it privately - I find real estate agents to be lazy so and so's, and as such I convinced my Dad to just sell it privately. There's a local business that provides you with all the signs, the advertising, the paperwork you need, all for the fraction of the cost of the real estate agent's gigantic commissions. TallBoy's parents got fucked around royally when they recently sold their house and bought a new one... there was half a day where they ended up with no house at all. The removalist company had to unload into the carport, then we had to double handle it into the new place when they were eventually given the keys by the useless shites at the realtors. Anyhoo, they didn't do the in-laws any favours, and absolutely did NOT deserve their $14k commission or whatever it worked out to be. There was no way I was going to let my Dad fork out that kind of cash to a stranger when we have half a brain between us. Who knows the house better than us anyway? We've had for almost 15years, Dad built the bloody thing. Well, he got someone else to build it, but the point is he was the boss. Yeah.

He put it on for what I thought was a fair price... although I had to really convince him it was worth as much as we put it on for. As usual, I was proven right... the place sold within an hour of our first 'Home Open'. Now you sit wondering whether you could've gotten more for it, but you could be greedy and be still sat, waiting for it to sell. Dad tells me he was keen to sell, so this is more than likely for the best. I was also right when I told them it'd sell to either "an old couple or people from England". England it was. It's kind of a small house for our area, so the Australian buyers are used to the big houses and ours seems too small. But to people from England, it's a friggen mansion! Plus! A Pool! And Air-Con!! OMG! I knew the English would like it... after all, we were fresh off the boat when we built the place all them years ago.

Our mission this weekend is to start the hunt for Dad's new place. He's moving closer to the city (we currently live about 40minutes out of Perth), he wants to live in a nice apartment or townhouse with maybe some river views. The beauty of living in Perth is that this is actually affordable, and he'd be only 2 minutes in the car from the CBD, and public transport is really accessible up there. He's looking forward to the lifestyle, and I'm looking forward to him having a new start. Apparently, the wench/girlfriend and he are off 'forever this time', so it'll be good for him to be able to get out and about in the city, cafes and things are everywhere, and he can do his cycling and swimming. Loves it. If he gets somewhere with river views, we'll be in the prime position to watch Australia Day fireworks every year from the comfort of (someone else's) home. Awesome!

All this movement means I'll be the only one in the family left in the town I basically grew up in. My Mum already lives just north of the city, my sister lives between Mum and Dad, depending on her university and things. So, if Dad moves up there, I'll be a loner! It's okay though, like I've said before, we're pretty bad at keeping in touch even though we're just around the corner. I'll probably see them just as often as I do now! It's only a 1/2 hour drive on the weekends anyway, and a little longer on weekdays because of the traffic... nothing too heavy. Now I know how Steph feels, abandoned by our own parents!

I got it... too early?

2006-01-15T19:26:00.000+08:00

I went yesterday and bought my wedding dress. I'd heard they were having an awesome sale at one of the bridal shops in the city, and thought I'd have a quick look. I'd budgeted $800 for the dress, which from some of the stories I've been hearing is actually quite conservative, but I thought if I could get one for much less, I'd be off to a good start when it comes to planning the wedding. I think the bridal gown is one thing that can really destroy the wedding budget... the bride tries on one that is waaaaaaay out of her original price range, and falls in love with it. Spends a shitload of money on one thing that she will never wear again. Even if she did divorce and get remarried... it'd be kinda tacky to wear the same gown twice. So yeah. One day... a guy at TallBoy's work, his wife spent $2500 on her wedding dress! Just crazy.

So, I went shopping with the idea that no dress would be too cheap, as long as it looked beautiful, but I was just going to make sure I didn't even glance at dresses out of my price range. I tried on two hideous - in one I said to the lady "Ew! I feel like a sweetie!"... as in, a toffee or something, wrapped up like a sweet out of the Cadbury Favourites selection. It was way too slim fitting, made my arse look enormous (when it normally isn't!), and had all weird frilly shit hanging off it everywhere. Rouching along the side seams and stuff. It was a horror dress, one where people will see your wedding photo in a few years time and exclaim about how funny the fashions were, 'back in the day'.

I'm still deciding whether I want the dress to be a surprise to everyone, or just to TallBoy. Obviously, Mum and my sister, who is my bridesmaid, have seen it, but I don't think it'll matter to show people before the day. I don't know, maybe it'll be nice for it to be a total surprise. I think I'll wait and see how I feel for a few months, because once you've shown people, you can't undo it. The wedding is still more than a year away, so I'm sure I'll give in before then! I'll probably be sick of it by then, but it really was such an awesome deal, an $1800 gown for $700... under budget, and when I put it on I just felt happy and beautiful and, well, relieved that something looked so beautiful so easily. I was expecting to find it really difficult to find what I wanted. Because I didn't actually know what I wanted.

My sister also expressed relief that it was relatively quick and painless... the bridesmaid had been, and I quote, "dreading it a bit". Ahem.

Isn't it awkward?

2006-01-13T21:17:00.000+08:00

That weird little time where you want a new job, but you don't want to tell your old work because you're not sure if you actually have a new job. I'm looking, and I have made it through to a second interview for a job that I'm pretty keen on. It's a bit further from home, but I think it'll be interesting, and much more room for me to try and advance myself by impressing people with my dazzling skills and charms. But my current job keep asking those awkward questions about the future. Not years and years ahead, only the next few weeks even. Because, if I get this new job, then I could technically be gone by the end of this month! So they ask questions like: "Do you think you'll be free to cover me sometime in June/July? I wanted to take leave...", or "when so and so comes from over East next month for that meeting, we should ask them..."... and what can you say?! Luckily, I have also applied for TAFE, which I would've worked around my normal job. So I am using that as a bit of an excuse at the moment... "I might just have to sit on that at the moment, I'm not sure of my new timetable". Which isn't entirely a lie. I just mean timetable for a new job, not TAFE. My Dad said I should just say yes, because I'm not saying yes for me as a person, but for the role. So whoever takes over will just takeover all these other jobs too - but I don't want to do that to a new person! It's just not fair and they'll be cursing me in 3 months time, wishing I'd never opened my fat trap.

It's just a yukky feeling anyway, knowing that you're looking at other jobs and pretending like everything's normal. I really do like the people I work with (okay, except one, but she has really bad body odour and just a lazy biatch overall), and I really do feel like I'm being dishonest. People change jobs everywhere, everyday, but you can't help become a bit attached to the place! I know it will be fine - we had about 7 staff leave at the end of last year, but I think the difference would've been that they would've given alot more notice. I'll be giving them the bare minimum. Oh, the guilt!

Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself because I haven't made it through the interview yet. As excited as I am, I still have this imposing feeling of dread hanging over me, everytime I think about resigning!

An Embarrassment

2006-01-12T11:34:00.000+08:00

TallBoy's been at this job for a year now... unfortunately I did something kinda dorky when he first started, and he has therefore a sad nickname has been coined for him: Sniffles.

TallBoy and I are both really allergic people. We get hayfever. I'm allergic to eggs, cats, horses, dogs and something they put in KitKats that I haven't quite worked out yet. Anyway, when TallBoy first started at his job, he got hayfever one morning before he set off. I wanted him to call in sick, because he goes to shit when he gets hayfever bad, and he can barely concentrate. The guy works with dangerous chemicals - he needs to be concentrating. He goes anyway. Halfway through the day, I can't stop thinking about him, I'm all worried about him feeling unwell. So I call him work number. Someone else answers.

Me: Hello, is -TallBoy- there please?
Guy: He's just busy with a job at the moment, can I take a message?
Me: *pauses* Umm. Err. Umm. It's Michelle here, umm when he left this morning he had bad hayfever and I was just calling to see if he's better. (I panicked! I didn't know what to say... I know now the words 'No Thanks, I'll call back' may have been appropriate).
Guy: Heh. Riggghht. Oh here he comes now.

TallBoy comes on the phone, he's fine. Hangs up and gets shit hung on him for the rest of the shift. Is christened 'Sniffles'. Now whenever the phone is for him, or when his mobile rings, it's "Oy! Sniffles! Phone for you!"

I'm such an embarrassment. Poor guy!

Country livin'

2006-01-10T20:41:00.000+08:00

Had a busy week procrastinating, and dreading the return of work. I don't hate going to work, but a bored day at home is alot more fun than a good day at work. I love dossing about and doing nothing!

TallBoy and I were actually kinda busy the past week - one day we drove 7 hrs round trip to his Aunt's property in the country to just 'drop in' for her fiftieth birthday. TallBoy's family always make me laugh - both his Mum and his Dad have crazy families, and I find it refreshing and amusing simply because I've got little memory of ever having to put up with the shit that usually comes with family. I'm sure after a decade or two it'll get old. This particular Aunt is his Mum's sister, and she lives on an orchard, they grow all sorts, avocados, nectarines, peaches... they even have a dam where they raise marron (a bit like yabbies or crayfish). It was an awesome feeling to be tucking into the food they served up, and you knew that almost everything on the table was either grown by them, or somebody they knew! I surprised the in-laws with my lack of hesitation before reaching into the nets to pull out marron - I really look like such a woosy girl, and they were all squealing "Don't! It'll pinch you!" Bloody city slickers. Don't they know that if you hold it in the right place, it's physically impossible for the little buggers to nip you? It'd be like me trying to lick my own elbow. It was a shame we could only stay a few hours, but we've been invited back to stay for longer and go marroning and fruit picking whenever we like - we probably will, but maybe in the cooler months! They get no breeze out there, it was friggen stiffling. They live in a 100-year-old house too - so air-con is probably out... I reckon the roof would be too fragile to hold the weight of it!

Also there was a brother who TallBoy's mum hadn't seen for almost 20 years! I find it amazing that they live in the same state, but never make the effort to see each other! They weren't all gushy either... their reunion was so uninspiring, you would've thought they saw each other down at Woolies every week! Still, he had a few tall stories to tell, some taller than others. Bit of a big talker, bullshitter. Still, it's always interesting to meet the characters... even if it's only so you've got someone to take the piss out of on the drive home.

There's been a real focus on family this week. TallBoy's Dad had fallen out with his own brother a couple of years ago - things seem to be moving to towards mending, so that's good. I know I complain about my family, but life's too short to be not talking for years on end! It's actually really well-timed, this focus on family thing, because we're starting to think more and more about the wedding and who we're going to invite. It's good to know that bridges that seemed burned may be repaired before we have to send invites - it will make our lives alot easier if we don't have to worry about the politics of it all!

Personally though, I kind of enjoy the drama of it all!

Scary Neighbour-Lady

2006-01-03T16:20:00.000+08:00

I'm pretty sure her New Years Resolution is to quit smoking because she has been FREAKING MENTAL the last couple of days.

I don't think that lady has an 'inside voice'.

How Am I Doin'?

2006-01-03T09:32:00.000+08:00

I guess the beginning of a year is as good a time as any to have a bit of a look at my life, and see where I'm going wrong, and where I'm going right. Not neccessarily putting in a plan of action, but trying to stand on the outside looking in. Thing is, I know that on paper, my life is a bit of a failure. It's sounds a bit trailer trash. But living it is a different story. I'm really happy and feel I just have a lot to look forward to still!

The last year has been a real test for the relationship between TallBoy and I, we've been through one of those stressful tests for couples (something about building/moving house?) - but we've passed pretty resoundingly. Never have we been so open and honest with each other. Never have we been so affectionate with each other. Never have we been able to spend so much time together without getting snippy with each other. The past year or two I have come to feel so much more confident that the relationship is the right thing for both of us - before this, I had doubts, I was distracted by 'other offers'. Some offers still stand - but I couldn't care less. Together, we both make the other better. I feel like as a couple, we can accomplish more together than either of us could apart. In him, I have a supporter, no matter how many times I change my mind (oh, and you can bet I do). He trusts me, I trust him. We are both really looking forward to being married - I'm looking forward to the wedding as well (he isn't! that's shyness for you...), but we're both looking forward to the actual marriage. The forever that follows that one expensive day. I guess on paper it probably looks like a big mistake. We're 22 (many would say too young), we've been together since we were 17 (again, some would say we need 'more experiences' with other relationships), and we had a couple of hiccups early in our relationship where we weren't sure we were on the right track. I feel like I couldn't be any happier though - after 5 years together, we still enjoy spending as much time together as possible, I still look forward to him coming home in the evening, we agree on so many things, and those things we don't agree on we are able to actually talk about, rather than argue. We rarely argue, but when we do, we never go to bed angry. We love each other, and we work to make it work. I don't think you could ask much more from a relationship, whether you were 22, 32, or 82!

I have had a few personal struggles of my own. The first being family. I don't keep in touch nearly as much as I should, which I realise is me avoiding situations that piss me off. Situations I cannot change. I'm a bit of a control freak, so if I just pretend things don't exist, then I can't get frustrated about the fact that I have no control over some situations. Sure, I can see my dad needs to move on from his wench of a girlfriend, otherwise he's never going to meet anyone DECENT, and I can see that my mum is living beyond her financial means, expecting some rich doctor guy to sweep in some day soon and rescue her bank balance. But there's not a damn thing I can do about these things. Trust me, I've tried in the past, and all it does is get me pissed off, and offends others. So, my current solution is to talk to them as little as possible. If they call me, I'll talk, but I just never feel like calling them for a chat, even when exciting things happen in my life. I need to grow up in this department. Then again, so do they. It's weird to think that when I finished high school, we were still a normal family. Now we're so dysfunctional, it's scary.

The second personal struggle is the reason this blog has this title. The fact that I cannot decide to do with myself is frustrating me no end. I've recently made a few decisions - I deferred uni for a year, but I'm expecting it will be a long, long time before I go back, if I ever do. I will only go back if I find something I am really, truly passionate about that needs a degree. Otherwise, it's just a waste of money. I have thrown myself to the recruitment wolves in recent weeks, but being Christmas/New Year, things are moving slooowwwlly... may have more to report in future weeks. But I have certainly taking steps to move forward, accept new challenges, and I'm damn excited. I feel like a weight has been lifted. I hope I've done the right thing - but I do feel really good about the whole situation... nervous, but good.

I feel like 2005 was a year of soul-searching. 2006 will be a year of action.

Warning: Standard New Years Resolution Ahead

2005-12-31T20:54:00.000+08:00

Don't swear so much.

It's that simple. Steph, I'm totally with you on this one. I blame TallBoy, he's a bad influence, and it's gotta stop. I'm alllllll class.

Nervous!

2005-12-30T21:13:00.000+08:00

TallBoy has recently taken up a bit of a health kick - he's begun working out. I'm not one for the muscley guys m'self - I don't mind a football-player type physique, but I don't find muscle-bound men terribly attractive. Just a personal preference of mine. This whole weightlifting thing is totally making me nervous! I know I'm building it up to be something bigger than it is - at the moment he just wants to bulk up a little, just so he's not the 'runt' (his words... I personally don't find him particularly runty, yes, he's tall, but he has such broad shoulders I find it impossible to find shirts that fit him property - the sleeves are always way too short because they've had to fit his shoulders first).

As long as it's just a health thing, and he doesn't end up looking like this:

Ewwwwww!

Jesus H. Christ! (Happy Birthday)

2005-12-26T09:46:00.000+08:00

There's nothing like Christmas to find out all the new gossip from the family. My cousin in the UK (they're all in the UK) is pregnant again. She's got a new baby who is three months old! There's going to be less than a year between them... my sister and I are only 16 months apart and I'm pretty sure people thought my parents were insane to have us so close together (not that they planned on it...), but less than a year?! She'll be fine, I'm sure. My mind is boggling thinking of all the nappies.

Her brother is looking to be the first cousin to move to Australia - he's hoping to be here by August. I'm so excited - we have no family in Australia at all, just me, Mum, Dad and my little sister (and see how well that all worked out...), so I am really looking forward to it. He's a very nice guy, I went back to the UK a couple of years ago now when we wasn't yet 18, bit of a ladies' man that one. He now has a long-term girlfriend, but he's leaving without her because she'll still be doing her university in August, and he's desperate to move... he has been since he visited us when he was 12! I think he's planning on doing the long-distance thing and she'll follow over in a couple more years, but I don't know how that will go. UK-Australia is very long distance. You'd think they'd only work when you get to see each other at least a couple of times a year, but it'd be a very expensive exercise to keep going between the UK & Australia with any regularity. When I went on holiday with Malta with my cousin a couple of years ago, he was pretty popular with the ladies as well - and will probably be even more so when he gets to Australia because of the accent. So many people seem to swoon over accents. Any accent that isn't their own! So he'll have to fight temptation I'm guessing. As long as he doesn't buy a girl's car. That's always a risk, the young guys always have small cars in the UK because the insurance and fuel costs are so high - he's had a Fiesta and ... I shudder to think... a Hyundai Coupe. Lime green. It's grotesque. I think TallBoy will have to help him out on the car shopping, he's a blokey bloke.

I'm just looking forward to feeling like it's more than just us. I'm starting to get that anyway with TallBoy's family - yesterday I had Christmas lunch with them despite him being at work, and it was totally fine, not awkward at all. I feel like they are my family, and as frustrating as they can be sometimes, and how different they are from my family, they really do care. But it will be awesome to have a cousin. TallBoy sees his cousins out and about, and he'll say "there's my cousin" all casual like - so casual he doesn't even feel the need to stop and say hello, because he'll catch them next time. I can't wait to be able to do that, it's going to be surreal! I did it once in England, I was having coffee with an old friend and saw my cousin going into a shop and said "There's my cousin Laura"... and then laughed because it sounded so hysterical.

Waiting...

2005-12-24T16:18:00.000+08:00

Still waiting for the Christmas spirit to hit. Not into it yet, I've gone through all the motions, buying Christmas presents, I eventually put up the tree (on Wednesday I think it was). I am looking forward to opening my presents, and especially seeing TallBoy open his, but it doesn't feel Christmassy, it feels more like a birthday or something. I think it might be because of TallBoy's work. He's a shiftworker, and as such gets a shift allowance of about $20k per year. That 20k however, is a trade-off for any public holidays that might fall on his shift pattern. This year it's Christmas... in fact, I've worked it out that it'll be 2008 before he gets Christmas off. Not so bad for us, because we don't have children, but I do feel for the guys who do. They must feel like they're really missing out. Well, I know they're missing out because my Dad works at the same place and has done since I was 8 years old - I've had plenty of very, very early Christmases before Dad leaves for work.

I'm sure it'll kick in tomorrow when I start eating all the Christmas goodies and listen to the Christmas music - plus I love the smell of hot tinsel when the Christmas lights are on. That's what Christmas smells like to me! I don't have a Christmas CD at my place, it's at Dad's. Maybe I need to get a copy for future years - I can brainwash myself into the Christmas spirit!

Despite my current Scroogeyness - Merry Christmas to everyone, hope you have a great day tomorrow. And to anyone who reads who doesn't celebrate Christmas - enjoy your public holidays! I think as a truly multicultural society, we should be recognising other religious holidays with a public holiday - it's only fair, afterall!

Visiting friends

2005-12-24T16:05:00.000+08:00

I love those friends who you can always visit and just hang out with and you don't have to talk all the time. To be honest, I think I have one friend like this - we've known each other since we were nine, and she has two kids now. We don't see each other that often, especially considering she's only around the corner, but we're both pretty busy. When we do catch up, we always have a good chat; it can be about the most meaningless stuff, or deep and meaningful. I understand her sense of humour - I sometimes say I didn't even have a sense of humour before I met this friend - we both find so many of the same things, funny!

I love her kids - her daughter is my GodDaughter, L, she just turned three, and her son, B, just turned one. They are the most gorgeous kids, L has a gorgeous olive complexion and beautiful brown eyes, she's very clever and likes to talk, but never shouting, and always waiting her turn. She's always polite, although some of her personality is really starting to shine through, she wants to choose her own clothes and has favourite toys and things - whereas before she just played with whatever was in front of her. She's scared to death of their new puppy, unless there's a window between them, then she just sits by the window making kissey faces at it. Her brother B is physically opposite to his sister (despite them both having the same dad!), he's a blonde haired, blue eyed whitey boy. He's so easy-going, he sits there all mellow with a lazy wide grin no matter what chaos is around him. The puppy can be licking his face, or chewing his toes and he's just relaaaaaaxed. I love these kids to bits, and it's so awesome to see what a good Mum my bestie has become - it's like she was born to do it. She and her partner are the models for Young Parents - just because you're young parents doesn't mean your kids have to be turds. These kids make me want to have kids!

L & B will probably hate my guts later - 'Oh Aunty Michelle - she was the one who always bought us learning games instead of toys for Christmas, right?'. But at least I know my bestie will do the same for my kids one day.

Realllllyy grown up. Really.

2005-12-23T09:25:00.000+08:00

So, in light of the last post, I did what every self-respecting mature woman would've done.

I called Dad and cried.

I got it all off my chest (well, except the whole 'thinking with your dick' comment - I like to call it 'lonely'), and it felt good. For about 5 minutes. Now I just feel like a manipulative biatch. I might hate her guts, and hate how miserable she makes Dad 49% of the time, but what right do I have to impose those views on a grown man? He can make his own choices! Despite feeling a little silly and a lot manipulative, I am still glad I told him what I thought, I just wish I did it without the crying. Next time I see him I might just blame it on the PMS. Now that I have to suffer through PMS these days, I really think I should be entitled to use it as an excuse for bad behaviour. Even if I might be lying.

For Fuck's Sake!

2005-12-21T08:22:00.000+08:00

I am tearing my hair out over here!

Just got off the phone with my little sister who has reported that Dad, in his infinate wisdom, as gotten back together with his evil bitch of an ex-girlfriend for about the 4000th time. Where's the maturity?!?!

In the prophetic words of a friend of Dad: "You're thinking with your dick, mate!"

Excuse me while I curse myself into a terrible rage.

Card Politics

2005-12-20T11:50:00.000+08:00

JonnyB's recent post on sneaky Christmas card sending got me thinking about the politics of it all. I love Christmas (although I'm beginning to love it less, the older I get), but I'm not big on the ol' Christmas card. I send them to relatives overseas, because I'm not going to see them. They also get a letter giving them updates on what we've been up to, and what we're planning on getting up to next year. But I don't really see the point of the Christmas card when you see the recipient all the time. Nor am I that bothered about receiving cards from people I see all the time.

A workmate of mine is spending her 3rd Christmas in Australia this year, after moving from England - and she is a little offended about the lack of Christmas-card cheer going around. She gives everyone cards, and people say "Thanks!" but hardly anyone gives back... I just don't see the point. All I'm going to write in a Christmas card is "Merry Christmas, Love Michelle & TallBoy". Can't I do that better in person, with maybe a hug and a smile? I'd much rather have that than a crummy Christmas card. Also, if someone gives me a Christmas card, I don't want to just give one back because they gave me one. If I've made a commitment to not giving out cards, I think I should stick to it, otherwise it's obvious I'm only giving it because I got one first. That's not meaningful!

The only thing a Christmas card gives to those you see alot is the warm and fuzzy feeling of being able to hang them all up and see how many mates you've got... maybe they are worth it after all? Do you do the Christmas card thing to those you see all the time, or just to those you will be missing this Christmas?

Queen Mish

2005-12-19T17:47:00.000+08:00

When will they finally learn, and just hand me the reins of a major commercial television network??

After my breakfast television run-down the other day, Jessica Rowe has been signed to replace Tracy Grimshaw on Channel 9. Not that interesting a fact in itself, but I just like how I totally thought of it first. I'm sure my post had no influence on the ditching of ol' Trace anyway...

All hail Queen Mish, champion of television analysis.

Oh, and by the way, yesterday's post was my 100th! I had been tempted to just write my 100th post about it being the 100th post, but thought some may see it as shameless compliment fishing. Ahem.

What's new in WeddingLand

2005-12-18T10:39:00.000+08:00

TallBoy has booked his holidays from work for the wedding and honeymoon, so we are pretty certain that the wedding will be March, rather than April, 2007. If not, it'll have to be postponed to quite a bit later in order for him to get more holidays. The holidays at his work book out so quickly, at the moment for example, the entire 2006 is booked out. TallBoy does not have a single bit of holidays booked for next year. By the time he has these holidays in 2007, he will have worked there about 27mths without taking even a weeks holiday. Luckily, he's a shiftworker, so he works five 12hr shifts, then has 5 days off. So it's a bit like getting a week off every week. It's also good because if we ever want to get away for a few nights, he doesn't really need to book any time off. The pro's and con's eh?

I'm also beginning to look for prices for caterers, there are a few metro-based ones that are very reasonably priced, and one of them catered for a friend's wedding and the food was good. But if I wanted to get married down south, in Dunborough or Margaret River or something in one of those private homes, then it may prove a bit of a problem. There are caterers down there, but they seem a bit more expensive, plus I don't know anyone who's used them before. I may just forget this down-south thing - perhaps TallBoy is right, it does seem a little in the 'too hard' basket. It is 3hrs drive away... I always like to take the road less travelled, to put it diplomatically!

I was Christmas shopping with Dad yesterday and we went past a shop that sells dresses for school balls, but also has a few white dresses in there that could be wedding dresses. I thought they looked a bit cheap and nasty, but they were $600-$800! I think I may look at a dressmaker, it might end up cheaper if I get a dressmaker to make a design I've tried on, and liked.

But that's all I'm doing at the moment. I'm not booking anything or anywhere, I'm not officially shopping for a dress or anything, I just wanted to start getting ideas about how much this shinding might cost, so we can start to budget and save. The more I think about alot of the junk that comes with a wedding, the less likely it seems that I'm going to have one with all the bells and whistles, and all the traditions. I don't want to do everything 'by the book' just because the book says so. If there's a part of a traditional wedding that we think is corny, or embarassing, or pointless, then we'll just cut it out! Why? Because I can.

To All the Boys...

2005-12-16T20:20:00.000+08:00

Who think they are sex deprived...

You'll get more rooty tooty if you don't ask for it. If you ask with your sexy kisses and cuddles instead, then you're much more likely to get the answer you want.

End Lesson.

Stupid Wives

2005-12-16T18:26:00.000+08:00

TallBoy works in an almost all-male workplace. They have an administration division that has more women there, but his general day-to-day colleagues are men. TallBoy is horrified by the fact that many of them have what we call 'Stupid Wives'.

We don't know these women personally, but a few guys at work have made it clear that their wives have no control over the family finances. They husband pays the bills, makes all major purchases, makes all major decisions when it comes to money. They assign their wives an 'allowance', and outside of this allowance, the wives have little idea what goes on with the money. They do the food shopping, and buy the kids clothes and things, and that's it. The only other input they seem to have is looking after the kids, keeping the house clean, and cooking. Very important jobs, but I can't imagine what it feels like to have little to no idea about what money is coming in, what is going out - is ignorance bliss?

I am just bemused. Do women that don't mind that sort of situation still exist? I know they're stay-at-home mums, so they don't actually contribute physically to the income, but I just find it really bizarre - why should it matter whether or not they're actually adding to the coffers? With TallBoy and I, it's more of a team - he's interested in the money, we both spend it, but I am the one who is most aware of how much we have, where it's kept, how best to pay for things, whether we can afford things, planning for future investments and large expenses. One day (in a land, far, far away...) when I become a mother, my role as Family Financial Officer will continue, even though I won't be providing an income. TallBoy says he's glad to not have a 'Stupid Wife' - and I love trying to think of new ways to make our money work for us. He's realised I'm the brains in this partnership hehehe... and he's happy to hand over the reins in that department. I'm glad we get along over money, because I know it can be a massive cause of conflict between couples. I know it was one of the straws that broke the 'camel's back' that was my parent's marriage. Mum loved to live beyond their means, Dad has a thrifty attitude - preferring to pour money into the mortgage. I realise how good it is when you're on the same page on the money issues, and how bad it can turn if you're not.

Those attached men and women out there - or those who have been in the past - how does the mullah work in your relationship? Would you like to have/to be a Stupid Wife?

Morning television

2005-12-14T18:00:00.000+08:00

I like to keep up to date with the news and what's going on. I like to watch a bit of the news as I'm getting ready for work in the morning - I need to find out what sort of clothes to wear that day, you know, skirt, pants, jumper, or bullet-proof jacket perhaps? I think it also has something to do with my need to always be 'in the know' about what's going on. I don't like the feeling of leaving the house without knowing if something major had happened overnight. I think I started making a really concerted effort when the Bali Bombings happened over the weekend, and it took me until Monday to even work out anything had happened. I'd spent the weekend insulated in my own little world, and it made me feel incredibly ignorant to realise that fellow Aussies had been in agony, families in turmoil, and I was blissfully unaware.

I have a dilemma in the morning though - I can't pick which news show to watch. We have Sunrise, on channel Seven. I watch this most of the time, but Koshie is beginning to get on my tits, big time. Mel is such a suckhole too, she's always talking in this softly softly sympathetic-you're-so-brave-however-do-you-go-on kinda voice. I find it much more watchable when Mel is on holidays, and they put Nat in the main chair instead of getting her to read the news. They generally try to give out a positive vibe, but have been known to take it a little too far. A while back, they adopted the BEP 'Where is the Love' as their theme song, and even did a performance on TV where they sang it and kept replaying the performance over and over and over.... Cringe! Get on with the news people! Today they decided that, in the face of the recent events in Sydney, they needed to relaunch their campaign. Now, I don't think they've dragged out the tapes from their singing disaster, but this is their logo for the campaign:

Excuse me while I vomit. Basically, they're feeling guilty about all the aggression they sent out in previous days when the initial shock about the riots was strongest, now this is an attempt to backpedal and disassociate themselves from other media outlets who still seem to be in hype-mode. One positive was their attempts today to get in leaders from the community to try and thrash out the issues together and come up with some solutions. But couldn't they have done that without a 'Spread the Love' mushy campaign? It's just patronising, and these are obviously testosterone-charged men causing all the problems... I don't think a purple love heart is going to change their point of view - do you?

The other choice is Today who are alot like Sunrise, but usually a day later. In other words, they are mostly unable to come up with original ideas, so instead they copy Sunrise's, tweak it a little, and pretend like they didn't notice someone else did it first. They even got caught a couple of times calling their show 'Brekky Central' which has been a Sunrise thing for ages. I think they must've picked up the phrase while watching tapes of Sunrise to see what other ideas they could copy. Their main female presenter, Tracy Grimshaw, never used to annoy me. But she recently went blonde... now she looks like mutton dressed as Mel. Opps, I mean lamb. But at least they don't make me cringe with 'Share the Love' campaigns.

So y'see, I just want my daily news fix without feeling like I want to throw my shoes at the TV. I think I'm going to have to switch to radio...

Why not work?

2005-12-13T20:36:00.000+08:00

I'd like to speak to someone.

Someone who goes to work to deliberately be shithouse at their job. Can't be bothered? Think your customers can eat poo and die, so you try to make their lives miserable? Couldn't care less what the boss thinks of you, as long as you get paid every fortnight? Email me! I wanna know what makes you tick...

Recently TallBoy and I have noticed that some people don't seem to want to do their jobs anymore. Well not properly, anyway. We had a dodgy rental office for awhile, which actually worked in our favour eventually because they weren't too strict on inspections, but I know for certain that if I ever have an investment property, I won't be asking this company to be my property managers! TallBoy's parents recently bought a new house, and settlement was delayed because the real estate agent found it too difficult to get the paperwork together in 6 weeks. Six full weeks. I think the settlement people were tearing their hair out. A similar thing happened to a friend of mine who was buying a block of land - hers was delayed by 5 weeks because of inattention on the part of her mortgage broker, and she has ended up paying more than $2000 in overdue interest payments! Just because one person couldn't do their job properly... now, if I were the one who had fucked up so majorly, I would feel so incredibly guilty, I couldn't imagine it. But not so much as an apology from this woman!

We bought a car recently. Included in the price was 3 months registration, and they were going to pay and post out a sticker and the new paperwork. Payment was due on December 1st. I called to remind them around November 28. Told it had already been paid, they would send out the paperwork that day. Couple of days later, hasn't arrived, I call again. They will send... doesn't arrive... I ended up calling four times, plus emailing, before we eventually received the paperwork on Monday in the mail, with a note referring to my email, which I had only sent two days before, so I know it hadn't gotten lost in the post, they had actually only sent it two days ago. Two weeks after I had initially called them! We're in the same state! Mail should get to me overnight! More infuriating was that we got 3 letters from them in that fortnight stuffed full of advertising junk. Somehow, that shit gets to me, but not the stuff I actually NEED!

I'm nice to people in shops, I smile, I say please and thank you. I'm nice to people on the phone (mostly, unless I have PMS...), I try to be efficient. When I go to my job, I try to do it properly. I make the occasional mistake, we're all human and I absolutely understand that. That's all that keeps me sane, the knowledge that sometimes people are having a bad day, and you can't get worked up about it. But it just seems a little too coincidental when almost every place we deal with can't stick to their word. Is unable to their job with any degree of efficiency. Can't be fucked going the extra yard for a customer. Please be good to me - I'd do the same for you!

Oi You!

2005-12-12T13:09:00.000+08:00

All you drunken thugs in Sydney (on both sides of the argument)?

Calm. The Fuck. Down.

Didn't your mothers ever teach you to share?

Once upon a time...

2005-12-10T21:02:00.000+08:00

A girl had a friend.

The friend was a good friend, she was a Very Nice Person, and could be counted upon for advice, and to have a fun time. Keep your minds out of the gutter, just shopping, people watching, chatting, the usual.

The friend made some mistakes in her life. Things didn't turn out how she expected and dreamt, but the girl and all the other friends didn't mind. The girl thought the friend was a very strong and brave person for carrying on in the face of unexpected events.

One day, it became obvious that the friend had started to tell fibs. Sometimes little fibs. Sometimes whoppers. The girl was sad - she trusted the friend, and hoped that the friend felt the same. Why did she fib? Was it because the friend was embarrassed about the direction her life had taken? Did the friend think the girl would disapprove? Eventually the girl realised that that the friendship couldn't mean that much if the friend always felt the need to lie. If the friend couldn't trust the girl enough to be honest about her life, what is a friendship without trust?

The girl would like to support the friend. But how can she help, when she never gets the chance to know what's hurting the friend, when the friend always lies, and makes out life is better than it is. Doesn't the friend know that being honest with the girl will bring them together, and life will be better?

Seems a little weird

2005-12-10T13:10:00.000+08:00

Had breakfast with Dad this morning and decided to bite the bullet and give him some relationship advice. I don't claim to be an expert, but any idiot can see the guy's miserable. But when he's not with this woman then he's lonely. So it's sort of the lesser of the two evils. If miserable and lonely are your two options, it's gotta be hard to choose which one is more fun.

He's got to weigh it up, and if the bad outweighs the good, then you break it off. Every single relationship has good times and bad times. Even the woman who gets hit by her partner every now and then probably enjoys his company some of the time. But you've got to decide - do the good times outweigh the bad? By a lot? If it's just by a little bit, then are those good times really worth waiting for? Because being pissed off, stressed and sad 49% of the time is no way to live.

I know loneliness is almost as awful as being in a bad relationship. Why else would so many people who are clearly bad for each other, stay together? But you have to cut the ties in order to be able to move on. I pointed out to Dad that there might be 10 women out there just waiting for his current relationship to be truly finished. But it's always on and off and on and off and on and off.... and who wants to throw themselves in the middle of that? He has to have some period of loneliness in order to show that he's over the woman he was with, and that she's not moving back into his life in the near future. Grownups don't just lurk in the wings, waiting for their chance to jump on a person the minute they're single.

I felt kinda stupid giving him love advice, but I just want him to be happy. I told him that. I'm supposedly the 'sensible' daughter, so maybe me talking to him seriously might help get something through that skull of his. When he hears it from my younger sister, it doesn't seem to get through, probably because she's so awkward on good day. I choose my battles carefully, I don't argue for argument's sake. So the fact that I've tried to be honest with him today might mean more, coming from me?

Phew

2005-12-08T22:04:00.000+08:00

Lunch went well. No blood, sweat or tears. Remarkably pleasant.

I should have more faith in those around me.

Ladies who lunch

2005-12-08T08:37:00.000+08:00

Getting my first taste today of what it could be like one day when we decide to have kids and I'm a Stay-At-Home Mum. TallBoy's mum and sister are both on 'home duties' - his sister has a young son, and his mum just makes sure their house is immaculate. But today, we're all going out for lunch at a nice restaurant. I'm a little nervous.

They're a nice family, they're just a little different from what I'm used to. Earlier in the relationship, his family (okay, his parents) used to infuriate me with what I saw as their constant interferring. I know now it's just because their lives are extremely dull, they don't seem to like each other much, and they have a serious case of empty nest syndrome. They have nothing to talk about except their kids - who are all now grown up and mostly moving on with things. So they're always visiting, and suggesting, and trying to control things. I think it's more of a distraction from their own lives than actual intent to piss us off. So I've just gotten used to it, and begun to understand it a little better. And I've worked out that if you give them tidbits of information without them asking for it, they kind of back off and relax a little. Plus, they're kind of relaxing a bit about TallBoy and I anyway, because we're obviously on-track for success of some degree. We're pretty driven, we have goals, we're not just loitering in our own lives. I've even noticed that over the past 6mths or so, they seem to be asking us for advice now and then - like we're proper grownups or something!

Because TallBoy's mum doesn't work, I think she's sort of forgotten what it's like to hold down a job. She's never had a customer service or office-based job. She can't see why people can't do things immediately. She has pretty high expectations about customer service - probably because she doesn't understand that sometimes you're being pulled in 6 different directions and have to try and please everyone. So I think I'm a bit nervous about today's lunch, because it sometimes gets a little 'cringe-ville' when we go out and things don't go well. I am foreseeing some problems already:
1. It's a posh restaurant. TallBoy's family aren't posh. The menu looks a little... alternative. They do kangaroo steaks and other interesting dishes. A little strange. TallBoy's family don't usually do 'strange'.
2. TallBoy's 5-yr-old nephew is coming along. I have a feeling they won't have a kids menu. It's possible they could even curl their lips up in disgust at the sight of a 5-year-old. He is pretty cute though. Let's hope he wins them over. He's pretty well behaved too. TallBoy's sister is not a mother you'd want to mess with.

TheNephew is doted upon. How he has managed to make it to five without becoming an evil spoilt brat is beyond me, because he has every whim catered to. That kid has all a boy could want, but he still has a lovely sharing, caring personality. But if things don't go right at the restaurant with the boy's food... it always gets a uncomfortable when TheNephew doesn't get what he wants. I don't mean him - I don't even mean TallBoy's sister, they will keep cool easily. But TallBoy's mum... she loves that boy more than life itself, and she is willing to fight for his every cause! Even if it's just that his chips are taking too long! Why can't those fuckers do their job! It's just chips! Can't they see he's hungry! He's only a kid, how could they do this to him?! Me sitting, biting my tongue, wanting to say "He's not going to wither up and die if he doesn't get his chips on time!", and the boy's not even bothered, he's sitting all patiently.

I think I'm getting worked up over nothing, but that's why I'm nervous. Not because I don't want to spend time with them, but because I'm worried that even if it goes slightly pear-shaped, that pear will soon turn to shit hitting the fan. Temper, temper!

I am special. Apparently.

2005-12-07T17:59:00.000+08:00

Okay went for an interview at my second temping agency yesterday. 5 hrs later, and I'm an approved applicant for the place I was most keen to get into, so that's awesome. They're nothing if not thorough, that's for sure. I'd actually set aside 2 1/2 hours, and had to be somewhere at 2:30. The appointment was at 11, which also gave me an hour for travel time. Anyway, 2:30 sailed by, and, because I was already in doing interviews and things, I couldn't even call the place I was supposed to be at 2:30 to let them know I couldn't make it. I felt awful. It was a killer interview - but it went well, and I got the outcome I wanted so it was worth it!

Anyway, during the interview, the director of the temping agency was interviewing me. A very nice lady, obviously very organised, awesome at what she does. The whole place was very professional - and not at all 'cubicley' like some places nearer the city are. It was very homely, yet professional. Not sure how they pulled it off, but they managed.

Anyway, the lady turned to me during the interview and asked me "Are you any particular religious denomination?". I must've looked a little taken aback, because she hurriedly added "Not that it matters... I just get a feeling from you...". I answered that I wasn't any particular denomination, in fact, my household had been a pretty much church-free zone as a child. However, where I work at the moment is closely linked with a church, and I really like the people I work with, and it's a fantastic, helpful and kind place to work. She said she had wondered, because she got a very calm, peaceful and kind feeling from me. That I was a very special person, and very talented, and that she could just sense it. And that my workplace must've rubbed off on me.

I was, of course, flattered that she could see admirable qualities in me, even though we'd only met minutes before. Who wouldn't like to be told that they're giving off such an awesome vibe? But I felt like going back in there a little bit and letting her know that I've always been this way, and it's a credit to my upbringing, rather than where I work, that may give people that impression. I probably managed to score the job where I work now because they too got the same feeling from me in the first place?

I've always been taught tolerance. Tolerance, and good manners. I've always had the ability to talk to people easily. I always know to smile, because I know that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. These are all things I think I knew before I even started at my job. I found it a little interesting that this lady thought I must've been different before I worked where I do - like they turned me around or something, and made me good. I was good on my own!

All that matters is that I know that I'm doing the right thing - and I know how I got there. But it is pretty damn reassuring to have almost total strangers seeing the good in you!

2005 - It's nearly a wrap!

2005-12-06T07:41:00.000+08:00

I got tagged by Auburn at Ivory Towers (see my blogroll!)
1. What did you do in 2005 that you hadn't done before? Got bad PMS, where I turned into a mental bitch for a week or so. I'm usually just so pleasant at that time of the month. Finally, an excuse!
2. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yep, one of my oldest friends, Toni, had a little boy.
3. Did anyone close to you die? No - I always feel so glad, we've been very lucky recently, and not had to go through anything like that.
4. Did you travel? Where did you go? Best holiday memory? Not overseas, but we always do a trip or two down south to the Margaret River region, and we love going down there and just spending hours and hours together in the car and exploring down there. And wishing we could win lotto twice, because we'd need to win twice in order to afford some of those gorgeous houses in Eagle Bay, Dunsborough. We'd move in a second if we could live in that foresty hill overlooking the ocean. Bliss.
5. Best thing you bought? This is going to sound soooo boring - but a Dyson!
6. Where did most of your money go? Saving for when we move in the house, so we can finish it off nice and quickly. We may or may not use that money now, we might see how far and how quickly we can get along on a month-to-month basis.
7. What do you wish you had done more of? More working, less pretending to study
8. What do you wish you had done less of? Worrying about this house being built. If they'd just frickin built it, I could've worried less!
9. What kept you sane? The boy. Actually, I'm going to rename him. The boy will now be known as TallBoy. Not because he's a piece of furniture. Because he's y'know... tall!
10. What drove you mad? This house. And my indecision with what to do with my life.
11. What made you celebrate? TallBoy's parents moving house, moving on, getting a fresh start. They're so happy now, and I am really beginning to enjoy their company. Which makes me happy too!
12. What made you sad? The London Bombings. Broke my heart, scared the shit out me. Cried and cried.
13. How was your birthday this year? A non-event. I was sour because I had planned to have my 22nd birthday in my new house, dammit.
14. What political issue stirred you the most this year? I can rant and rave about any political issue. Usually I go against what the media are saying. Or what my father-in-law is saying. Either is kinda fun, I enjoy going against the grain and trying to get people thinking. I would treat you guys to more political rants, but I'm a little long-winded. My rants require crazy eyebrows and hand gestures to make them interesting.
15. Where you in love in 2005? Yes, even more everyday. 2005 has been a great year for our relationship, we seem to like each other more than we ever have. The love has been there for a long time - but the like is even stronger.
16. What would you like to have in 2006 that you didn't have this year? Fulltime job. I'll do it!
17. What date from 2005 will be etched in your memory and why? Nothing in particular actually.
18. What song will remind you of 2005? Anything Missy Higgins and probably Golddigger. It's usually the summer songs that get the memories stirring though - those happy days in the warmth with the music blaring. It's what memories are made of!
19. Compared to this time last year are you happier? Yes, because I feel like I've worked it all out compared to last year!
20. Biggest achievement this year? Deciding to follow my heart, instead of Dad's, on the work front.
21. Biggest disappointment this year? The uselessness of our building company - they're like the The Giant Building Company That Couldn't.
22. What is the one thing that would have made you more satisfied? Despite all the gripes with the building company, I am pretty satisfied with life and love... I wouldn't want to change much at all!
23. Best new person you met this year? Although I didn't meet her for the first time this year, I did really start to chat to her this year. An older lady at work, about the same age as my Mum, I think I just realised that this lady will probably be a part of my life for a long time, even if I leave my current workplace. She's so intelligent, and I think I'm going to need her one day. She is a good friend.
24. A valuable life lesson you learnt this year? There is no point getting worked up about things you simply cannot change. I honestly believe that now. It was a pretty hard lesson to learn, the house took me nearly to breaking point. But one day, something just clicked and I realised that sometimes, you have to choose your battles and just cool down. Since that day I have been much more laid back. I still get things done, it doesn't affect my work. I don't get half as mad when I'm driving, I don't get so mad about the house. If I hadn't learnt that lesson, I think I'd be on the phone every single day now screeeaaamming down the phone. I'd be hating life. But instead I'm learning to look for a bright side. To those who know me IRL - I'm working on my whinging addiction.

Baby steps

2005-12-03T11:19:00.000+08:00

I had an interview on Thursday at a temping agency, to try and get some extra work over the holidays. I've got another one on Tuesday, with another agency, and this one is more city-based. So that should cover all my bases - close to home, and further if I get some notice so I can get up early enough!

It's part of my plan to get a life, and start working... well working at all. I'm 22 and I've worked fulltime hours for only 1 year of my life. Some may think this is alright, but I haven't finished a degree or anything, so I've just been on an endless parttime-study-journey. This journey is coming to end, the Uni part is done with, and although I'm moving on to TAFE, that'll all be over by June. June is the absolute beginning of the rest of my life. Where I can stop all the 'gunna dos' and just do.

I can find an awesome job, or maybe not even that awesome a job, and get on with it, and love life. We can do all those things we've wanted to do for ages. Like holiday when it's not peak season - maybe even go to England to show the boy off to all my family and show him where I mean when I'm talking about this place, or that person or when we did this as kids. Or buy an investment property. Or save for the wedding. I'm being proactive for maybe the first time in my life, and I can't wait to really really contribute financially to our life together.

And fuck, it's raining and I've got washing on the line. Did somebody forget to tell the weather that it's fucking DECEMBER?! We usually haven't seen rain for about 6 weeks by this time of the year. Give it up!

Shopping frenzy

2005-12-02T17:17:00.000+08:00

I'm really really trying to be organised this year. I'm well on track to be so organised. It feels awesome to think I will not be one of those crazy-eyed lunatics circling the shopping centre carpark two days before Christmas, praying that all the good stuff hasn't sold out and I still might find something for Mummy dearest that won't bore her brains out. I've even ordered some awesome books for my Nana off amazon.co.uk and got them delivered directly to her house - saving a packet on both the cost of the books, and also postage.

The internet has been my friend this Christmas season. What savings! What relaxation! I love you, online shopping! So relaxed and organised am I, that I have even sent off my Christmas cards overseas already. I did it on Monday... that is a record for someone who, in the past, has actually given Christmas cards a miss altogether. Dad is envious of my organisation skills. I would be too, if I were him. So modest.

I haven't gotten anything for the boy (opps, I almost slipped then and used his actual name, which I don't think I've done on this blog before!), but I do have some ideas for once. I think I've finally realised I should just get him what he wants, all the blokey boring stuff, even if it's not really what I want to buy for him. I'd rather buy him nice smellies, or clothes to go out in, things like that. But I think that's because those are the presents I'd like to receive. I myself would be pretty pissed off with almost anything bought from Bunnings. But he'd love it. So, time to think more about what he'd like. And you know what? It'll be so much easier than struggling to find pressies for him that I like and that he won't find too 'gay' (most going-out shirts these days fit in this category... don't they make non-metrosexual clothes anymore? I've got a bloke over here that needs dressing, dammit!).

How are you going with your Christmas shopping? Has it even entered your consciousness yet?

The Fatness

2005-12-01T15:01:00.000+08:00

I'm lucky to be blessed with good genes and willpower, and as a result, I am not fat. I could use a little toning perhaps, just to tune things up a little, and also from the fitness aspect, but I am not fat. Or am I?

Now this isn't a post about how obsese I am, and how I think I'm sooooo fat and what will I do and bla bla bla. But I just wonder about people's self image. When you're fat, do you realise you're fat? Because if you don't, then I could be fat and I just don't realise it. I guess the thing that confirms that I'm not fat is that the doctor has said I'm in the healthy weight range for my height and age.

But you see people out and about on the street, and they clearly are fat, yet they still dress as though they are thin. Is it denial? Is it that they've only recent put on weight and can't afford to buy bigger clothes? Do they realise that they're overweight at all? Or do they say the same as I do - that they just need to 'tone up a little'?

Maybe it's a bit like when people have B.O. and smelly feet but don't seem to notice - it's hard to see/smell yourself from an objective stance?

Family weird

2005-11-29T08:36:00.000+08:00

I went around to my Dad's last night and just sort of hung out with my Dad and my sister. Which I haven't done for ages and ages. We go out for lunch or whatever, but often Dad's blerg girlfriend is there, which means my sister is in a mega-sulk from hell, and so there's alot of silent treatment going on. So you don't see a huge amount of interaction. Or even when it is just us three, my sister is so focused on trying to pinpoint the one thing on the menu she isn't going to hate, that conversation is a little difficult. And once she's ordered, she's busy worrying about whether she's chosen the right thing. Anyhoo.

I noticed last night that they are just so mean to each other! What they thought was friendly banter, a good night in together, was actually really sarcastic and pretty nasty. I kept saying "Stop being so mean to each other!" and kept getting weird looks in return.

Did I get nicer since I left home, or did they get meaner?

Oh the Guilt!

2005-11-27T15:30:00.000+08:00

A good friend of mine invited me to a BBQ which was held last night. Gave me a good week's notice - plenty of time. I confirmed my attendance, and it wasn't one of those bring a plate kind of deals either - she was going to lay it all on.

And I totally totally forgot. Completely and absolutely. Just realised with a start about 5 minutes ago that yes, I was supposed to be somewhere last night!

I quickly fired off an apologetic text message, but God I feel like the Bitch From Hell. The BBQ was a get-together for everyone to meet her boyfriend's brother, who is visiting from Tasmania. What a cow. If I were her, I'd be pretty pissed off at me!

I thought I'd done so well this week - I had such a lot to remember, what with an exam early in the week, the TAFE application to get off, the procedure on Thursday and all the prep that came along with it, Christmas cards to write and send, food shopping, washing, cleaning, keeping an eye on the house, remembering medications, Christmas shopping, work's getting really busy, bla bla bla bla.... something had to slip my mind, and unfortunately a good friend was let down.

Feeling very very bad.

Detached

2005-11-26T14:59:00.000+08:00

Sometimes when I go about my everydayness, I feel detached from the world around me. This doesn't happen too often, it's like I wake up in a 'funny' as the boy calls 'em, and for the entire day I lose my capacity to connect with people on any level whatsoever. I can't even bring myself to be false to shop assistants, let alone have a normal conversation with the people I know and generally like and love.

It's like I'm inside my own head and everything pisses me off - even just the effort of driving a car and manouvering it around other cars and their selfish drivers seems too much effort some days. Despite this, I have things that need doing, so I push on. But I think my mind's way of ensuring I don't bite somebody's head off is to withdraw into itself.

I feel very vague today.

I should explain...

2005-11-25T08:53:00.000+08:00

I wasn't sick, sick. I had an ongoing problem with eating. When I eat certain foods or drink alcohol it doesn't agree with me. At all. It's kind of annoying whenever you eat something a bit different, or drink alcohol (generally social situations) and suddenly you're looking around the room with a panicked expression praying there's a loo nearby.

So I saw a doctor, who sent me to a specialist, who told me to have a colonoscopy. They thought it was probably Irritable Bowel Syndrome, but there's not an official test as such for that, so instead they have the job of ruling everything else out - and if they don't find anything, then they assume that it's IBS. Which is the conclusion that they came to after yesterday's tests.

Tuesday night was my last proper meal, then Wednesday was a liquid diet, then Thursday was no water or food after 10am. I didn't go in for my procedure until around 3:30pm Thursday, so I was absolutely ravenous by the time it was all over. The hospital gave me a sandwich before I left the hospital - who knew Ham and Cheese could be such a delicious delicacy?! I'll tell you what though, the preparation was a hell of a lot worse than the procedure itself!

Still, it's a relief to know there's nothing seriously wrong - but also a little frustrating because I know what the specialist will say when I go back for my follow-up appointment. That IBS is mostly controlled through diet. Which means I will have to avoid all those things that flare up my symptoms - almost always alcohol, and often seafood like prawns. Which I love, but it has to be super-fresh, otherwise we've got problems. Alcohol doesn't break my heart, because I always make a tit of myself when I drink anyway - although it would be nice to be able to have a glass of champagne at my own wedding when it comes around. But seafood, I love it, so that is a little sad. But I guess I'll just have to be grown up about it!

I can eat again

2005-11-24T20:23:00.000+08:00

Well, I'm happy as a pig in a puddle, because I have food once again! Forget about the colonic health stuff, my first meal was pizza. I couldn't help it, after 48hrs I simply had to obey my cravings. My body would not have accepted anything less.

All went well, and I don't even feel violated like I thought I might. No walking bow-legged for me, no siree!

Christmas cards that need to sent overseas will be written tonight I think - if the buggers are lucky, I might even type up a little letter to go in each card... a nice newsy one, I'll spare them my poo stories.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Oh, and poo.

2005-11-24T06:18:00.000+08:00

Okay, so this week I have been having a bit of a rollercoaster ride.

First - study for exam. Obviously this is no fun, but just one of those things you've got to bite the bullet and do. I kind of like the library, but I don't like concentrating for long periods of time. Especially when I know that the exam I am studying for is hopefully the last one I'll ever have to do at University.

Which of course, is one of the highlights of my week. Finally being true to myself and realising that perhaps University is not the be-all and end-all of the universe. Taking the plunge and applying for TAFE instead. Don't worry - I didn't give up my Uni place, I've simply deferred for a year, just in case I change my mind. Because, you know, I have been known to do that. A lot.

However, Tuesday being the day of The Last Exam Evaaarr was also the first day of preparation for another exam - this time of my bowel. Hurrah for colonoscopy! Tuesday was a day of no fibre. No nuts, brown bread, vegatables... I gotta say, the vegie bit was tough, I actually love my veggies! I found it amusing that I wasn't allowed fibre, but could eat white bread. Doesn't say much for the nutritional value of white bread now, does it? Wednesday was a day of liquid diet only. Liquid only. Including jelly, but that doesn't exactly fill you up does it? After one close call with a box of Barbeque Shapes (a colleague had to remind me I was on this special diet thing), I made it through the day without collapsing. If the starving people in Africa have to put up with their whole lives with very little to eat, I'm sure I can make it through a couple of days!

Last night and today I've been busy trying to choke down litres of disgusting mixtures designed to flush you out completely. So the toilet has been my close buddy over night. And my gag reflexes are getting a good workout - everytime I attempt to swallow another mouthful of the foul-tasting (very salty) mixture, I just about puke.

So the true fun begins today at noon. I get sedated, so with any luck I won't remember a thing. Plus, I have had the most extreme detox I think I could've imagined. In an attempt to find a bright side about all this, I have to keep reminding myself that at least I can start fresh now with colonic health!

So now you all know me just a little better. Wasn't that fun?

Oh. My. God.

2005-11-21T21:09:00.000+08:00

I've harped on about people naming their kids with ghey names before - but this couple I just heard on the TV who are competing on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire...

They have 3-year-old twins named: Brandon and Dylan. Yup. Do you think if they have a girl they'll call it Kelly? Or maybe Brenda? Another boy? I think Steve's the go. I wonder if their middle names are Jason and Luke? God, how AWFUL!

I have no problem with the name Brandon alone or Dylan alone. But 90210 characters? It's just not cricket.

Yeeehaaa

2005-11-21T20:43:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow.

Is the last, magical day I will hopefully ever have to spend at Uni. I have an exam, which I worked out I don't even really need to even pass to pass the unit as a whole, and then it's all over red-rover. It's a shame I don't have anything to show for it (except for two not-even-half-finished degrees and a shitload of debt), but I feel like an enormous weight has been lifted. Like tomorrow is both the last day of one chapter of my life, and (hello, cliches!) the first day of the rest of my life.

You do know what this means don't you? I'm possibly officially grown-up now. Uni students still have some excuse to sponge off others (Sorry to my darling other-half, you have been most patient). I'm temping and looking for a job over this summer holidays, and if nothing decent turns up in the meantime then I'll do a quick 6 mths of more study (alot cheaper than Uni!) Cert IV in Business Administration, which I think will give me more of an edge combined with my experience and, of course, my devastatingly good looks. So I'm hoping that by June/July 2006, I will be in some sort of fantastic job and I can stop grinding my teeth. Because my teeth are really sore at the moment? I don't get that stressed with exams and stuff - well I never thought I did, but I think I clench my teeth alot without even realising it. Which would explain the headaches and why it feels like I need 40 fillings, even though I only had a check-up about 4 months ago and was given the all-clear.

Just a little shout-out to my friend Suraya who has recently moved to Singapore - I am thinking of you all the way over there, getting used to living in a new place when you're only fluent enough in the language to impress me and your other Western friends (funny, it doesn't seem to hit the spot for those that actually live with the language everyday huh?), it must be pretty tricky. I know I haven't caught up with you IRL much since we finished high school (we're all so bloody busy these days!), but I've always loved our chats and isn't it always weird how you miss a person more when you know you can't see them? I'm thinking of you girly, hope you're not missing your family too much...

House update

2005-11-19T11:20:00.000+08:00

The house is finally starting to look like a house. The roof tiles are on and 'pointed', which means that they cement what needs to be cemented to stop leaks and keep the roof on. They've also done what's called a 'float coat' inside the house, which is a layer of render that goes over the internal bricks before they put on the nice white plaster and install the ceilings.

Here's a picture of the house I took on Thursday. Don't be deceived by the blue sky - it was windy as hell that day!

Here's the kitchen area, taken from where I'm planning on setting up the dining room.

And here's the house, taken from across the road, which is a giant sand pit at the moment - hopefully by the time we move in, the houses will have started and most of the sand will be kept down. Those little sand bits really do sting your legs when the wind's up!

Now when we go to have a look at what's been done that day, we can say to each other "Are we going to the house?" rather than just "the block"... w00t! I still don't think we'll be in until maybe late February, early March though. There's just too much going on in the building industry at the moment, and I guess we just have to wait our turn! Although we're paying rent at the moment, which is kind of wasted money, we're comforted by the fact that it looks like we may have made at least $80,000 on this house, just in the process of building the place. How can you be pissed off about that?!

I lean on him

2005-11-18T21:13:00.000+08:00

I used to think I was such a strong person.

But love has made me weaker. Gradually, over the years I have let myself become more and more open, and therefore vunerable, towards the man I am with. It's with a happy smile that I realise that I am so in love, and trust him so completely, that I have let myself become one half of a pair. We lean on each other in so many ways, not just in our normal day-to-day lives, but also our moods depend on the mood of the other. We're connected. I sometimes get a flutter of nerves when it hits me how much I need him and he needs me. What if something were to happen to either of us? I'm not sure how I could cope if he was gone. He is the one thing that is certain in my life - he is my escape, where I go to escape my family woes, bad days at work at forgotten after only a few moments in his company. He is always on my side.

Being in love with another is bittersweet. I love that I love him enough to trust him with my life. But who would've thought loving so much could be a worry in itself?

Girly stuff

2005-11-17T11:34:00.000+08:00

I've always thought I was one of the lucky girls who didn't really suffer from terrible PMS. Sore boobs? Agonising cramps? Not me! Lately though, I've noticed a degree of mentalness being injected into my PMS experience. I never used to feel grumpy before I my period came along - in fact, I remember as a teenager always feeling like dancing. Not metaphorically, literally. I would prance around the house, grooving to any song on the radio. Perhaps I became bipolar during 'that' time of the month? Who knows. Not pregnant? Let's dance!

Now, I don't see the point of periods. They're horrible, they suck, I don't want them. I'm sort of looking forward to pregnancy, because it's 9months of guaranteed no-period. Seriously joyous. So, I use my contraceptive pill to skip my period most months. I can kinda tell when my body 'needs' one, I feel a little bloated, and get occasional period-type cramps. So that month, I don't skip. This month is one of those months. I've become a little snooty in the past couple of days.

I'm generally pretty assertive (read, a bossy cow who speaks before she thinks - and loudly), but my Take Shit From Others limit has been seriously reduced. First to cop it - little girl next door. When I saw rocks being thrown over my fence, I made sure she'd be told off good and proper. I dobbed on her to her mother. And her mother is mental. I'm aware of that - way more mental than myself. I just thought she'd do a better job. If it had happened on a normal week, I would've just threatened to tell her mother. But nah, my psycho-self wanted to Take No Shit this week.

Second to cop it - Amy from the building company. Telling me there was going to be another delay. Instead of just sucking it up and asking them to kindly pull their fingers out their behinds, I told her what's what. I got great satisfaction out of hearing her become a stuttering ball of nerves. Again, a normal week? I'd reason that the poor girl is just doing her job. Not this week.

Third to cop it - Service department at Ford. Tried to charge me $50 more than last time for my car service, even though it was the exact same service as last time. I told them they were liars, just like the sales department, and I was sick of being misled. Made a bit of a scene. Childish really. Normal week? Wouldn't have happened. Turns out I got my way anyway - maybe I will use that one again, even on a normal week?

Fourth? Lady at work, who I worked my arse off for on Tuesday. Did the most humongous mail merge known to man. Only to be told that half the data she gave me to enter was incorrect. Lady, I'm only as good as my instructions, and this isn't even my job, I did it as a favour and you think Sorry is gonna cut it? Patronizing me ain't gonna cut it either "Ohhh and you did such a good job on it too, they look great". What am I, 12? I told her that she would have to fix the mistakes herself because I was way too busy to do the job twice. Normal week? Actually. This one probably would've been the same if it was a normal week. But let's blame it on the PMS - everyone else does!

The Wedding.

2005-11-14T19:44:00.000+08:00

That's The Wedding. I haven't spoken much about The Wedding because I don't want to become some crazy Bride-Bitch from hell. The boy and I have both agreed that we're not organising anything until we've moved in the new place. It's just too many things to think about at once!

However.

I have started to introduce little whiffs of the beginning of arranging something to the boy. I need something to distract me from how long the friggen house is taking! So I've begun asking him where he might like to get married. We're agreed on numbers, we want 30-40 people maximum, including the bridal party. I've thought a bit about a dress - but haven't actually set foot in a bridal store yet.

We think it might be nice to have The Wedding down south somewhere, near the Margaret River wine region. We particularly like the views of Eagle Bay and Yallingup. I've got a cool idea for a venue for both the ceremony and the venue, but need to make some more enquiries to see if it's possible. There are heaps and heaps of private homes down that way owned by some rather wealthy people, who hire them out as holiday homes. These places sleep 8-10 people and have the most stunning views you can imagine. Of course, these places have plenty of decking in order for people to enjoy these views, or nice gardens that overlook forest and the ocean. Then I'd just get caterers in and perhaps set up a Marquee on the lawn overlooking the ocean? It's an idea, but in it's pretty early stages at the moment. We're about three hours drive away from this idea though - so most guests would want to stay overnight I'd imagine.

It's becoming so easy to get swept away with the fun of it all - I love organising people and events and trying to think outside the square a little. I also don't want this to become massively expensive, which is one of the major reasons we're keeping numbers so small. That, combined with the fact that the majority of my family (except my mother, father and sister) live in the UK, with others scattered in South Africa, Canada and the USA, means we can easily keep family numbers low without offending too many people.

Do you know what a funny thing is that I worry about? I worry I won't be able to eat my own wedding cake. I have an allergy to eggs, and it's pretty hard to find a good cake recipe without egg. I don't want an icecream cake because it'll just be a massive pain in the arse trying to stop it melting - I want a real life, delicious cake that I can scoff too! That, I think, will be my biggest challenge.

I'm glad I can get out all my excitement here - I don't want to bla bla bla on to the boy too much - he's nervous enough about the day as it is. He's not worried about being married, he's worried about getting married. He's the strong and silent type, so the thought of spending a whole day being the centre of attention really freaks him the hell out. He's not keen on getting a professional photographer either - the posing and stuff? Naff!

Phew. Got that out of my system. That's my wedding-speak quota for a month or so!

There's always one

2005-11-13T09:31:00.000+08:00

Illegally Blonde has inspired this post about workplaces and the occasional morons that frequent the corridors. The majority of us would agree, I'm sure, that most of our colleagues are generally normal. Everyone has their off days, but as a whole, our fellow workers generally fit the mold of normalcy. However, every workplace seems to have one idiot, one weirdo, one individual who causes their colleagues to grind their teeth in frustration and roll their eyes in unison.

We have one at our place - an older woman, let's call her Jan, who is so lazy she would rather gaze at the telephone in awe, like it's some sort of mythical creature from the depths of technology, than answer it when the rest of her workmates are clearly busy dealing with real-life people. When she has a sick day, she expects her work to still be done for her - to the exact standard that she herself would do it to. Yep, because the rest of us just sit around every day praying that Jan will have a sick day, just so we can do her work as well as our own! Just to stick it up her, if I do the work when she's off - I do it to a higher standard than she does - I like to upstage people at their own jobs, especially this lazy sow.

Problem is - she's the type who has a sick day at the drop of a hat (all that research about Aussies and their strong work-ethic? She must've been off on a sickie the day the surveyors came in to ask their questions). She always makes doctors and dentist appointments during work hours - taking absolute advantage of the caring and flexible work environment that she's managed to land herself in, while the rest of us try and make our appointments outside of work time if at all possible. She's never cheerful, and when you ask how she is in the morning her usual reply is "uuggghhh yeaah well - I'm here..." to which you could mentally add "but not for long" because you know she's only made an appearance in an attempt to convince us all of her obvious death's-door-ness in the hope we'll tell her to go home. As a result of this whingey whiney answer, I've stopped asking. I only say Hello if she says it first, because I don't want to give her the opportunity to tell me *just* how sick she is.

She has a body odour problem. I'm not looking forward to summer.

She is always complaining about how awful her two daughters are. Now, they are pretty awful, (I personally cannot stand them - they are about as lazy and annoying as their mother) but I cannot have a single scrap of sympathy for this woman who has raised children exactly like herself - and then has the audacity to complain about them. Yes 'Jan', people like your daughters are pretty annoying aren't they?! Brats? Do they think they're princesses who can sit around while everyone else picks up the slack? We know only too well!

If I do move onto to another workplace in the future, I will miss my work and almost everyone who works there - it's a fantastic workplace. I will not miss this woman though - although it is a source of comraderie amongst the other workers, united in eyeball ache from the constant rolling. But I know that every workplace has one of these types - I only hope it's someone I can ignore easily!

Every girl needs one

2005-11-09T19:26:00.000+08:00

A mentor - some are lucky enough to find one in their own mothers, but as I've sort of explained before, my mother's advice is not entirely sound. She's like the teenage girl, and I'm like her mother - trying to stop her spending her money on junk, suggesting clubbing might not be a good idea before a shift at work... you know, the usual.

I have worked for the past few years with a woman who I think could be my mentor - especially when I eventually move toward parenthood. This woman is one of the smartest people I have ever met, in all the ways that matter. Everything she says about life, love and relationships makes so much sense. She is so wise. I have met her children, and let me tell you, I like the end result. This woman has the most intelligent, loving, sensible children I have ever met. They all have their hiccups like anyone else, but they've got such good heads screwed upon their shoulders that they can work through anything. When we talk, I feel that we think the same way about so many things, and if I am unsure about something, she is able to help me lay out all the options and really talk out the pros and cons of a decision. When I talk to her, it's how I imagine most young women feel when they talk to their mother - as equals, yet with the comforting knowledge that this other person has lived life to the full, and has all that experience behind her that you can drawn upon to try and guide your own dilemmas.

I am a bit frightened that if I do move on job-wise that I will lose touch with this woman who I really think of as a good friend now, even though we don't see much of each other outside of work. I really enjoy her company, her ability to listen and understand, and her timely advice (but only if I ask for it!). I will have to go against the grain of anything I think I've done before in my friendships - and take the first step to really keeping in touch. Something I'm particularly bad about in my personal and family life, by the way. But I think this could be one of those friendships that I would miss terribly if I were to lose it.

My head is spinning

2005-11-08T21:40:00.000+08:00

The news media is going mental at the moment with the news that a good handful of people have been arrested overnight in relation to a suspected terrorist attack. My mind is in two very scary places at the moment - neither option looks good for Australia, and that makes me very nervous for the future.

Scary Place # 1 - The government got it right - these people are actually plotting to harm their fellow Australians through terror attacks. It's scary to think that this option may be true - although previous events in London have shown that sometimes terrorists can be homegrown and living next door. If there is a culture out there of thinking these acts might be acceptable or helpful to any cause, then that is of grave concern to me. Sure, we've picked up a handful of people, but the way the media is dealing with it at the moment is not going to discourage others who feel the same way to change their opinions - if anything, it could possibly incite further plans, they'll just be more discreet about it.

Scary Place # 2 - The government is using tactics to scare the public into agreeing with their new terrorist laws - while serving the dual purpose as a distraction from the industrial relation laws they're being so vague about. The new terrorist laws are a bit of a concern to me anyway - the circumstances behind their rush through parliament, and the act-now-ask-questions-later feel of the laws reminded me a little too much of the beginning of a police state... wasn't there a law much like this that consolidated the rise of the Nazis in Germany, way back in 1933? A law passed by a government riding upon a wave of fear?

Both scenarios frighten me - but I feel quite powerless. I feel that, as a young person in Australian society, going against the grain of the mainstream media on these big issues pigeonholes you in the 'tree-hugging hippy' crowd. Personally, I love my baths and have never been camping, so I can't see me chaining myself to a tree anytime soon.

Another thing that is making my cringe is the constant reference in the media to the "fact" that those arrested are Muslims. What the hell does that have to do with it? If it turns out to be true that these individuals were conspiring to commit an act of terror, then they need to be assessed as just that - indivuduals who are, obviously, quite insane. Extremists. Who cares if they are Muslims? There are plenty of Muslims out there who are equally disgusted with these men if the charges are true. Horrified that, once again, the religion they love and devote their life to is being dragged down and shat upon by these psychopaths.

I hate the feeling of being swept along on this awful tide, and that major changes are being made to the country I love, without my consent.

Ummm... oops?

2005-11-08T14:02:00.000+08:00

In my quest for silky smooth legs, I had instead given myself some sort of product burn/allergic reaction. Currently my left leg is looking quite hideous, with a nasty red weltish sort of rash on my thigh. I need a new loofa for exfoliation purposes, but I found a tub of Body Shop exfoliation scrub in the back of the bathroom cupboard (I think a Christmas pressie from Dad's awful girlfriend - although I do love the body butter that came with it!).

Anyway, I'm either allergic to it or I massaged it in a little too vigorously. I'm really really really hoping that the weather doesn't decide to warm up in the next week or so - because there's no way I'm going to be getting into a shorter skirt anytime soon.

I never was very good at being a girly girl - I don't wear makeup on a day-to-day basis, and when I do, it's only a smidge of mascara and maybe a bit of blush or lippy. I try to remember to moisturise my legs regularly, but often fall down in this department, probably due to my inability to get out of bed the minute the alarm goes off - so I spend so much time rushing around trying to get ready to get out the door in time that I just don't have time to moisturise. The best thing I do for my skin is wear a facial moisturiser with an SPF15+ (and gee, you sure can tell, I'm so pasty it hurts).

But other than that my Veg Out Day has been going pretty well - lots and lots of TV, a bit of 'net surfing and not much else. 2pm and I still haven't managed to get to the video store, let alone actually choose a film to watch. I got started with my Christmas shopping online, and I feel like going and buying Christmas cards to get ready to send to relatives overseas. I also want to get my CV done for the temping agency, and my TAFE application completed and perhaps sent in.

Can I ever just sit and do nothing?!

My reward

2005-11-07T20:45:00.000+08:00

My reward for getting that damn assignment done, for cleaning the house and catching up on all things-paperwork is a VegOut Day tomorrow. I am planning on heading down to Video Ezy and getting out a couple of my usual favourite types of films - the arthousey type stuff, or some of the movies that never make it to the big cinemas, only local little cinemas. I'll curl up on the couch with my doona and make a day of it. God, I just cannot wait! Best day evvaaarr!

I need it before I start studying for my exams anyway. Loves it!

Today I got a reference from work so I can apply for temping work over the summer break. I'm actually really looking forward to trying this new thing out, and the reference doubles as some paperwork for my TAFE application. I told a big porky when I said I wasn't planning on leaving - I'll admit I'm not sure yet, but at the same time I think I'm going to have to bite the bullet and leave some awesome people where I work and move on. I think I need a new challenge. I'll feel like a real cow when if I have to quit one day soon - I've only quit twice before, and once was one that was sort of expected - at the end of high school, I also quit my after-school job. It's a nervewracking thought... I'll try not to think about it. I suppose they can't expect that even if I did knowI was leaving that I'd tell them - unfortunately it's one of those awkward times in everybody's lives - we've had a few people tell us all they're leaving at the end of this year, all going onto their own personal new challenges... and noone gets bitter, although everyone's always sad to lose good people!

So, hopefully soon I'll be moving onto a new chapter in my life - but before then, I need to spend a wonderful day alone in front of the idiot box with a bunch of brainy DVDs... bliss!

Self Confidence

2005-11-06T20:12:00.000+08:00

I think I have a fair amount of self confidence - I have my moments, like most other people on the planet, where I can rattle off a list of things I'd like to change about myself, but generally I'm happy. I don't struggle with my weight (yet!), my skin's pretty good, I think I just look normal -I've not noticed anyone staring at me in the street - so I'm assuming I'm neither drop-dead gorgeous, nor incredibly hideous. However, self confidence does not seem to run in my family.

Soon I will be the only woman in my immediate family without a breast augmentation. The other women in my family (namely, my sister and mother) think having small jugs is such a problem it requires major surgery. Now I'd be lying if I didn't say I didn't wish pretty often that I was better well-endowed in that particular area, but my longing isn't enough for me to spend a shitload of cash on, as well as go through all that pain and suffering, not to mention the risk of it all going wrong and ending up with Tori Spelling-esque tits. It sounds like a cliche, but I don't need big boobs to feel good about myself - unfortunately, the same cannot be said for the rest of the women in my family!

My mother has already bitten the bullet and gotten the surgery, and my sister is going for a consult in December and hoping to have surgery in time to show off her new assets at her 21st birthday in March. My sister honestly believes that this is going to change her life, and her personality. She thinks it'll make it easier for her to talk to people, to make friends. Personally, when I make a new friend, I don't generally make the decision based upon whether or not they have a C-Cup or bigger, but she honestly believes it's going to help her in life. I know she means that it'll just make her more confident as a whole, and people are generally more attracted to confident people both as friends and in relationships, but I don't know about the whole thing. What if it doesn't go to plan, and she ends up with bad scarring? What's that going to do for her confidence? What if she spends all that money and goes through all that pain, and feels exactly the same about herself - surely she'll just find another area to pick on - maybe the smidge of cellulite in her thighs, or the line in the middle of her chin?

I suppose it's hard for me to understand - my sister has struggled alot with her friendship groups and her relationships over the years. Now that I'm in a happy, loving relationship, it's alot easier to feel good about myself - the boy constantly tells me how happy he is with me, both personality-wise and physically. I get regular confidence boosts, which it's probably easy to get used to and take for granted.

I guess I'm just worried she thinks this is the answer to all her problems, and I'm scared it won't be. Then what?

I love these days

2005-11-06T12:55:00.000+08:00

I love those days where you just do nothing except catch-up. Blobbing around, getting ontop of all things annoying. I'm actually just having a relaxing time, pottering around, cleaning my cooktop and bathroom, washing the sheets and clothes, emptying bins and things. I'm looking forward to living in a squeaky clean house too - one where I don't have to shoot evil-eye daggers at the boy whenever he invites his parents over, then run around in a mad dash, frantically tidying and wiping and cleaning in the 15 mins it takes to drive over. They're moving next week - their new house is only 10 mins walk from where we are currently living, so I'd better keep the house respectable for unexpected 'drop-ins'! When we move into the new place though, they'll be about 15 mins drive away again. Phew.

Speaking of their new house - I went around it the other day with them when they had their final inspection before they pick up the keys next week. It is fucking huge. Massive. Most people downgrade when they get older and the kids leave home - these two Supersize! They're going to rattle around pretty badly in there, particularly when the boy's almost 30-year-old brother eventually does what his two younger siblings managed to do years ago - move out. But it's a gorgeous house, and I think they'll be very happy there. The boy's Mum is going to have fun mopping all those tiles though! They seem to go for milllleeesssss.........

Meanwhile, I'm slowly developing an obsession with property investment - I spend way too much time looking at the reiwa.com.au website, and my main motivation for studying for 6mths, then getting fulltime work is more to do with my eagerness to try and get more dosh to buy another house, than it is to actually just get off my arse and work fulltime instead of being a parttime worker, sometimes study-nut! Luckily the boy's all for it, so we seem to have really similar goals in so many ways - that's got to be a good thing! I commented yesterday how it was good that we never fight over money - apparently it's the most common reason for arguments between couples. But then he pointed out "We don't fight over money because we have money - it'd probably be different if we had none!". That's an interesting observation - I never thought of it that way!

?

2005-11-05T18:49:00.000+08:00

Not sure what's going on with my side menu thingy there - when I look at the template, it's all fine, but if I open the site from my Favorites, it doesn't show any of my last posts, my blogroll, even my 'about me' info...

I remember reading somewhere that when people we having 'issues' they'd just post their next post and it'd all be sorted! Here's hoping...

Ahhhh

2005-11-02T00:09:00.000+08:00

*Sigh of Relief*

Gym? Or just another excuse?

2005-11-01T22:43:00.000+08:00

Fuck me I need to get down to the gym... or something! I can feel the fattiness stalking me, it's crazy.

Or maybe it's just the assignment getting on top of me again. I will finish it tonight! In fact, it'd be finished if it wasn't for this spazzy EndNote referencing program. I thought it was supposed to make all that stuff easier, not mind-boggingly complicated. I'm trying to do the footnote thing, with the weeny numbers above and references at the end of the chapter or whatever. But it's simply not working!

But seriously, I feel like going for a jog. I don't think I've ever jogged. Sometimes I run manically, like there's a crazy dude chasing me, but never jog. I could have a secret talent - my Dad's run a couple of marathons y'know!

Anyway, procrastination hits again... see y'all again soon!

I have a problem

2005-11-01T14:05:00.000+08:00

I seriously just considered throwing myself off the mezzanine floor of the library with a note pinned to my chest that simply says "Shhhhhh!".

Why can't people understand the concept of the library as a quiet place?!

Trick or Treat?

2005-10-31T20:52:00.000+08:00

I only give out goodies to prevent egging.

There, I said it. I'm not into kids in creepy costumes. I need to study, I don't want to be interrupted by heaps of kids in virtually the same outfit with their bags eagerly pushed toward my door. I'll be honest - I'm using you guys to give my cupboards a good clean out. The first group of (lucky) kids got some Cheese & Bacon balls, which neither of us like. I gave out a few boxes of jelly mix, which may or may not have been out of date. Had there been anymore trick-or-treat-type knocks on my door, these unfortunate children may or may not have received canned pumpkin soup. Minestrone if they were lucky.

I'm really not a Halloween-person. Maybe if someone I knew could carve pumpkins?

Where'd the week go?

2005-10-29T15:36:00.000+08:00

It's been one of those weeks where you get to the end of it and wonder "ummm where'd it go? I want my life back!" I've been flat out thinking about cleaning the house and doing a uni assignment, but not much else! Bought a Dyson yesterday from Harvey Norman, so I'm well placed to actually turn thoughts into action. Eventually.

But I really can't stop - I've got to do this freakin. Assignment. Last one of Uni, ever with any luck! Then TAFE, but that'll be like colouring in compared to Uni!

Yeehaaa... stay tuned. I will be become exciting one day!

It's a MeMe!

2005-10-23T09:57:00.000+08:00

Rules are as follows: Remove the blog at #1 from the following list and bump every one up one place;add your blog's name in the #5 spot;

1. SwissTwist
2. Unraveling the Princess
3. I'm a Rainbow Too
4. Much Ado About Sumthin
5. Not Working to Potential

Next: select four new friends to add to the pollen count. (No one is obligated to participate and anyone can play if they want to).

1. Suraya from Suraya Blogs Off
2. T. from Diary of an (ex-)Office Wench
3. Adrienne from More Chicken & Tuna
4. Tonch from Sydney Spy

What were you doing ten years ago?
I was 12, the year before starting high school. Probably on Year 7 Camp, or getting excited about our formal-type farewell. We went to the movies to see Babe, then Miss Maud's smorgasboard, then onto Timezone for a lock-in on the video games. Awesome! My best friend, who lived across the road but went to a different school to me, and I were also getting excited because we'd be at the same school for the first time. We'd plan out all different routes we were going to walk, timed them to see which was quicker, and were just goofy.

What were you doing one year ago?
Getting ready for pre-start on our house. It's where you go to all the tile shops, shops for curtains, all that stuff and you pick all the colours and styles you want. That was actually really fun! Apart from that, doing exactly what I'm doing now - working parttime, procrastinating from doing uni work the other days I'm not at work.

What were you doing yesterday?
Found the poop, went to breakfast with Dad at this little neighbourhood cafe we found which does a massive, super bargain price breakfast, then I went to the shops to pick out a birthday present for the fiance's nephew. Normally the fiance picks the present himself, he loves doing that, but he was on nights last night and was therefore sleeping. I don't pick his gifts for him usually. We got him a pair of Super-Soaker water guns so he can play with his Dad or his friends. Then we both went to his birthday party (bowling, he turned 5) for about an hour, but left early so the boy could get back to bed. Then I went back to the shops to see if the places I got my gift vouchers had anything that jumped out at me and I got 3 singlets and a shawl-type thing. It's hard to explain but it's this awesome jade-green colour. Plus I still got some credit back on my voucher, so I can go back another day. It was actually a bit of a busy day!

Five snacks you enjoy
Butterscotch scrolls. Never tried 'em? Google "Butterscotch scrolls" and get the recipe. Make them. You will die of yumminess.
Salada with margarine
Salt & Vinegar crisps
Caramello Cheesecake from The Cheesecake Shop
Yummy fruit like strawberries, watermelon, passionfruit, oranges. Juicy yummy fruits.

Five songs you know all the words too
1. I Will Survive
2. Young Hearts (Run Free)
3. American Pie
4. RESPECT
5. Waterfalls - TLC.
I know the words to so many songs. It's my hidden talent. Learning the lyrics to songs really really quickly, even if I hear the song for the 1st and 2nd time days apart (i.e. not putting it on repeat until I know every word), I still remember the words. It freaks the boy out. Another thing that freaks the boy out is I can hear the first few notes of a random song that comes on the radio and sing the first line before the singer in the song does. Really weird bizarre songs. Old songs, new songs. My Dad used to play heaps of musical games with me when I was a kid, listening to the different parts of songs and trying to pick which instrument is which etc. So I think my ears must listen more closely than I realise, subconsciously.

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire
1. Upgrade to a better house
2. Pay that off in full
3. Give a wad of cash to each member of our immediate families
4. Put deposits on a few investment properties, but get loans for the rest of the price. Rent them out and negative gear so I pay less tax on my interest off my winnings. Keep acquiring properties the same way forever and ever until retirement when I can just live off the rental income. Hurrah!
5. Buy the 4WD of the boy's dreams, let him built it into whatever beast he wants to built it into, and buy myself a small, but luxurious car, like a small Mercedes or BMW with all the trimmings.

Five bad habits.
1. Thinking too much about getting rich.
2. Being too blunt with people - I appreciate my honesty, not everyone does.
3. Not keeping in touch with people - I can go weeks and weeks without calling a single member of my family.
4. Swearing (copied directly from Steph)
5. Leaving dishes in the sink for ages and also procrastinating on all forms of housework.

Five things you like doing
1. Driving around in endless circles with the boy. How we can spend days on end in the car together without fighting still puzzles me. But it's a good sign of the strength of our relationship!
2. Organising myself and other people.
3. Writing on this blog
4. Eating... especially garlic prawns at the moment.
5. Window shopping. But I get nervous when I have to make a final decision, particularly on expensive purchases.

Five things you would never wear again
1. Bodysuit things. When I was around nine, I had this lyrca-type top that buttoned up at the crotch. Obviously you never saw the buttons but bloody uncomfortable. And unneccessary!
2. Headbands
3. Shoes that are too high too any event of longer than 2hrs. It's just not worth it!
4. Stuff that's too small for me
5. Shoes that are falling apart. Throw them out for Chrissakes! You can afford another pair! Just too lazy to go out and find said pair...

Five favourite toys
1. My cookie press. Hardly use it, but I love knowing it's there
2. Computer
3. Video camera
4. Normal (digital) camera
5. Mobile phone.

Some people are grotty!

2005-10-22T19:30:00.000+08:00

Some people are plain disgusting. I don't get gross people.

Like I went down to the house this morning with my Dad to show him how much has been done. Anyways, we're walking around and Dad, being an ex-plumber from way back, is checking the pipes in the bathrooms and toilets. He says "Oh! There's a poo in here!". Not in the toilet, per say. There is no toilet! He means, in the room where the toilet will one day go. On the floor. With it's own piece of fucking toilet paper. Then, another surprise, this time in the bathroom. Is this normal? I think not. Like it doesn't bother me so much as an owner of the house, cos by the time I'm moved in, the mess will be cleaned up, tiled over, never to be seen (or smelt) again. But two things bother me most about it. Firstly, there's a damn portaloo out the front, just waiting for someone to drop a log into it. But no, the individual(s?) in question would rather take a crap on the floor. Rightio. But secondly, and more importantly in my opinion, the poor floor tiler is going to have to sort that mess out before he can do his job. Whoever 'dunnit' would know that. It's just sick and twisted.

We once had an incident at school where someone crapped in the photography darkroom bin. Then wiped their arse with a tea towel. Thank goodness they were thoughtful enough to put the towel in the bin too - I was in the yearbook committee that year and didn't make a habit of checking the towels for skids before using them to dry my hands.

Or when people piss on the toilet rolls in the toilet. My fiance told me that the other day at his work, someone had crapped on the toilet roll. We've had 'phantom poopers' before at my work - shit smeared all over the walls (I work with children, it wasn't the staff toilets!). I'm always curious how they get the shit on the walls in the first place. Do they just catch the nugget before it hits the water, or chase it around the bowl? Do they hold it with toilet paper, or bare hands? The logistics of such a disgusting act boggle my mind.

Have we any phantom poopers in the audience? I'd love to just ask one - Why?!

I am so screwed

2005-10-21T22:03:00.000+08:00

I'm clucky beyond words at the moment.

Just now, I practically choked up at that advert where the Dad tells his kid that the Great Wall of China was built in the times of the emperor Nasi Goreng, and it's purpose was to keep the rabbits out. Cos, y'know... China had way too many rabbits. The bit that gets me though is when the kid's about to do his little speech at the front of the class and he's got this big grin on his face because he thinks he's got all the answers. 'Cos his Dad told him so! Look out, I'm tearing up right now...

Show me a puppy or a baby, I'll show you a coo'ing idiot.

Kids are something we talk about... alot! I really feel we could have a child tomorrow, and do a good job. We're ready as a couple, and I've seen enough parenting styles in my line of work to know what works and what doesn't. But there's just a few things we need to get done first, in order to do it 'properly'.
1. Actually move into new house
2. Get married - I know this is disputable these days, but I am really keen on everyone just having the same last name. Old fashioned perhaps, but just so. much. easier.
3. Perhaps build again, this time with bigger bedrooms - somewhere we can stay for the next 20 years if we had to, without the teenage kids chucking a mega-sad.
4. Get to England together on a holiday to visit the folks, do a bit of other travel, especially around Australia.
5. Get the mortgage looking manageable on one income - then we can afford for me to leave work until they're school age. And even when they are at school, I'd love to do parttime while they were in early primary school so I can do all the fun 'helper' stuff and go to sports days and do all that Mum stuff.

When I have children I want to be able to commit to parenting. I don't want to be one of those people who vow that children 'won't change their lives'. Children will always change your life, whether you like it or not. I think the quicker you realise you can't fight that, the happier you'll be as a parent, and the happier the kids will probably be too. I think parenting is a hard enough job as it is, when you're only focusing on parenting, without thinking about the stresses of work as well!

I remember being around 11 or 12 and saying "I never want kids! Why would anyone want those snotnosed turdburgers?!" I used to think staying at home with the kids for a few years would be my worst nightmare come true. God it'd be so boooorrrinngg. What do they do with themselves all day?! Who do they talk to? I think because my parents had both always worked, I found it hard to see the value of the stay-at-home Mum. But since I've gotten older, and I look back on my childhood and teenage years and wish I had more time with them, especially Mum, I suddenly see them as so much more valuable. I want to be able to do that, and be there for my kids.

So, to be able to 'be there' for them, I have to wait a few more years before I can meet them for the first time. In the meantime - let me cuddle yours!

Next step...

2005-10-20T18:26:00.000+08:00

Today I had a quick meeting in the city to discuss my options for the future, if I'm going to study at TAFE. It looks like I can get credit for a couple of units, maybe 2 out of the 10 I'll need to do. I should be able to fit fulltime course requirements into 2-3 days. I also spoke to a temping agency to find out a bit more about perhaps temping on those days off and on study breaks etc - they actually sounded a bit excited to hear from someone with my skills, so that sounds positive too!

It'll mean I'll have to leave where I work at the moment though. Well, unless I'm willing to lose face and admit that I'm changing qualifications for the *third* time now... they may not be so flexible this time around, and fair enough too! I've stuffed them around enough over the years. Maybe it's best if I just move onto the next phase and allow them to find someone more, well, permanent?

I'm a little nervous, but excited at the same time. I'm even excited about the temping bit - it'll be good to get out and about in the difference workplaces around town and meet some new people. I'm up for a change and a challenge I think...

Just need to concentrate for the next 4 weeks, get this one last university unit out of the way, then I can maybe begin temping before Christmas on my normal uni days, whilst still working at my normal work. Then re-assess in the new year? In the meantime, I need to get my TAFE application off (including late fees, nice work on the last minute there!), and hope I get a place.

I can't wait till the boy gets home so I can tell him all my news!

Etiquette?

2005-10-19T18:30:00.000+08:00

Today at work there was a bit of a kerfuffle over a touch of social etiquette. We work in a medium-sized workplace, with around 120 employees. Anyway, a chap at work got engaged, he's actually one of a handful of people who have gotten engaged in recent months. Everyone gave enthusiastic congratulations to everyone who did get engaged, including this chap.

Anyway, the difference between this guy and all the other people who got engaged recently (myself included), was that he invited the whole staff to his engagement party (I'm yet to have one, but I'll be inviting friends, family and close colleagues only) . He didn't invite everyone with individually addressed invitations, he just sort of wrote a mass message, chopped it into small bits and chucked one in each pigeon hole. It asked people to RSVP by this Monday just gone.

Nobody did. Myself included. I wasn't planning on going, and I just assumed it meant RSVP if you ARE going. I guess that's what most people assumed. I know if it was me in that position, and I'd invited 100+ people impersonally like that, then I'd assume that only the people who said "Yep I'm in!" would actually be there, and the other 80 or so were busy. I wouldn't expect a personal reply from every single person who works there! Anyway, this chap got all in a flap, because nobody bothered to get back to him, particularly in the department I work in. But I just don't think he has the right to be offended. If I'd had a personal invite, where the individual concerned actually cared enough to write my name on my invitation and I never RSVP'd, then I'd say he was within his rights. I know it'd be frustrating trying to organise a party with food etc, when you don't know exact numbers, but like I said, if it were me, I'd just sort of assume that those people who hadn't replied were busy that day.

Am I totally off on this one? Should all 120ish of us personally replied to the invite? I'm a bit snippy now, because I barely talk to the guy and now he's in a shitty because noone wants to go to his engagement party.

It's mental, innit!

2005-10-18T14:40:00.000+08:00

Today I had a run-in with someone who I believe has the potential to become a homicidal maniac. Because if he can get this excitable over someone who overtakes him when he's driving at around 4km/hr, then god forbid if someone ran over his dog, or accidently crashed into him.

I was driving along and was about to turn a corner, when there was a van one car ahead, who was taking his sweet time to get around the corner. The car in front of me wanted to go straight ahead and this guy was taking so long to get around the corner, that the car in front of me had to practically stop dead behind him, despite leaving plenty of room in the first place. Anyways, I followed him around the corner, and instead of driving along at a normal speed, this guy is doing like maybe 5km/hr. Carpark crawl. He was rummaging around on the seat next to him, so I overtook him, so he could just get on with whatever he was doing. As I overtook him, he stops rummaging, hangs almost his whole head out the window and starts enthusiastically giving me 'The Bird'. I'm a little annoying, but maybe he's having a bad day. Weirdo.

I keep travelling down the road, and look up in my rearvision mirror. I seem to have given him the inspiration to do the speed limit! Because now he's right up my arse. I turn where I need to turn... and so does he! Again, I turn... so does he! And again. Now I'm in a brand new area with half built houses... I'm pretty sure that would be one amazing fucking coincidence if he was going the same way as me.

So a grown man follows a young girl into an almost-deserted area just because she overtook him when he was going slower than said young girl could walk?! Like I said, imagine if something actually bad happened to the guy, he'd probably grab his shotgun and shoot out my tyres - or my brains.